 |
| A much younger you totally airbrushed! |
Dear Katrina, yep that's your birth name, yes you hate it but don't worry, as soon as you leave school you call yourself Katie and that will stick pretty well. The only people that call you Katrina are Banks and Drs! Thank god!
So the first thing you need to know is that your boyfriend that you lost your virginity to is screwing your best friend. Yep sorry for the bad news and yep your heart is going to be broken into tiny little pieces but you will get over it because he is an arsehole anyway so it's time to move on.
The thing is and unfortunately it's too late to stop you, but you don't need to sleep with loads of men to prove that you deserve a faithful man. I know it's fun and makes you feel good for a night but it will not make a man fall in love with you if he is not the right one. You will go slightly crazy for a few years and you will meet heaps of wonderful men but you shouldn't rush into things so quickly. You will eventually learn this in a few years time.
So you travel to Europe and you have an absolute blast, you drink lots of Cider, you eat lots of carbs and you put on 15 kilos in 2 years! Whoopsie. It's an amazing trip and you meet wonderful people but you really should take more time to see the history of Europe because you will regret this later in life. At 19 years old it's hard to imagine appreciating history but you hopefully will get the chance to go back and do it all over again without gaining the 15 kilos when your retired. (fingers crossed)
When you return home you are slightly lost and you have a big debt. Luckily you are daddy's girl and he lets you pay him off at $50 bucks a week for awhile until he gets sick of it and says not to worry anymore. What an amazing man.
So you are still lost and at this time you start wishing you had of paid more attention at school and maybe tried to go to Uni and be a journalist. Unfortunately you get sidetracked by another charismatic man and this time you get into some crazy shit, Ecstasy, Speed, lots of bad stuff that takes over your life for awhile and makes you make silly decisions like get engaged to this charismatic man at the age of 24! Now I'm not sure what you were thinking cos he breaks your heart at least 3 times before you get engaged but I guess you think he is the one for some fucked up reason. Thank god you wake up one day and realise he is not the one and you move on which is a awesome. Hallelujah
At this stage in your life you need a change and you get offered a great position at the casino opening in Sydney and you jump at the chance for a new opportunity and a new town. Sydney is crazy and you love it. You meet some gorgeous gay men and you fall in love many times over with lots of straight men but this time you have better relationships and you are maturing. You do go slightly crazy with the drug scene here again but you are always in control and you know when to stop and you make better decisions. You decide the Casino life is not for you and you take a redundancy package which you squander in 6 months. How I wish you had of invested it but you had no clue about finances and you live week to week.
You get an amazing opportunity for a job at the Australian Stock Exchange and here is where your career really takes off. You have some weird confidence in this job and you are successful and you buy some fabulous power suits and amazing shoes. Your crazy brown curly hair is dyed blonde and you feel like you have really hit your stride. Having this confidence in your life brings great things and it is now you meet your future hubby. He is not the normal type of guy you go out with but look what that has done for you in the past, nothing but heart ache! You need to take it slowly and not rush into it but of course you can't. You are on the fast track to marrige and babies and nothing is going to stop you.
I wish I could tell you that everything goes smoothly from here but nothing in life ever goes completely bump free. You will have 2 gorgeous kids, eventually, after lots of heartache and you will struggle a little bit financially while the kids are babies but you will get by. You will be shocked after a few years about how unfulfilled you fill and you don't absolutely LOVE motherhood. You become lost and sad at times and it's hard to understand why. Don't worry though because you are a strong women with great friends and you will survive these ups and downs as best you can. I'm not sure how your story continues but I know you will go forward drinking lots of vodka & Margarita's, enjoying your friends & family, stumbling every day with the parenting thing and just doing the best you can because you are a seriously top chick! To finish off I would like to tell you some things that you will be happy about;
1. The hair straightener is invented and you will never be able to live without it again.
2. You will never lose your sense of humour and crazy personality and this will get you through some hard times.
3. Your kids are healthy, happy little buggars who drive you insane but also keep you entertained on a daily basis
4. You discover that alcohol makes everything better after 5pm
5. You get to go on some good holidays and drink exotic cocktails.
6. Your friends are the best thing you could ever ask for!
7. Getting old might be scary but it's only getting you closer to retirement & that Twitter Road trip you keep talking about!
BRING IT ON BITCHES!!
No comments:
Post a Comment