Having a 2 year old in the house was very interesting as we have gotten over the stage of having to put things up high, put the breakable stuff away and watch the kids on the stairs and there were a few moments of panic during the time they were here but all in all it was a fun experience for my kids as well as them.
My friend has mostly been living the life of a single mum since she had her son as her husband is an entertainer and there were many times that he was away working on cruise ships for weeks on end and also when he eventually did get a show in Vegas he was working long and late hours so she struggled through as best she could with not much support from friends and no family. When she got to our place the lifestyle and routine was completely different to what they were used to but they settled in well and the timezone change seemed to work out well for naps and going to bed at 8 or 9 instead of midnight which is what they did most nights in Vegas.
The difficulty of staying with close friends is knowing when to bite your tongue when they do something differently to how you do it and knowing when it's ok to comment on how they do things. There were many times I wanted to say something to her about what she was feeding him, or how much juice she was giving him or why he wasn't hungry or how she shouldn't be letting him stay up so late but I just kept biting my tongue and hoping that the little problems I could see happening would sort themselves out once she got settled in her own place.
It got me thinking about when you have your first child, about all the advice you are given, all the comments you endure from people who have done it before, all the remarks from people who think they are doing it right and you are doing it wrong. It really can be so intimidating and frustrating, you wonder how you ever go out in public again!
It would be so much easier if we stuck to some rules, some Mummy Rules as I call them and I have listed some below: (excuse the language in advance)
The Newborn stage
- Do not brag about how your little cherub sleeps through the night at 6 weeks old. For those of us whose little cherubs don't sleep through, this is the worst brag as we are tired and irritated and our lack of sleep is making us want to hurt you badly right now.
- Do not tell us how easy your birth was, how you didn't even have an epidural, how it was all over in 3 hours. All we are thinking right now is that you must have one very loose vagina for that baby to have come out so darn easy. That is the only way it happened so bloody fast!
- Do not even bother telling us your baby doesn't have problems with Re flux, Croup, wind or any other stupid baby problem that makes our baby scream for 4 hours on end every night before bed and makes us have to spend hundreds of dollars at the chiropractor because our backs are so fucked up from rocking that little cherub to sleep every few hours!
- DO tell us that you are super tired, super stressed and struggling with the whole experience but absolutely loving every moment of being a new mum and we will totally agree with you on all of that shit!
The Toddler stage
- Do not brag about how your toddler is so smart, can say so many words, sing the alphabet and even do simple maths sums already, we do not give a fuck if he is a genius right now because we are still tired from the baby stage.
- Do not tell us how your toddler sleeps through the night, doesn't have a dummy, bottle or comforter anymore and never has a tantrum at the shops. That cannot be honestly true? Really?
- Do not tell us that your toddler has an amazing diet and never eats crap only healthy organic stuff you make yourself and never says no to anything you offer..we are just not believing it.
- Do not even begin to think we will believe you when you tell us your toddler is toilet training themselves before they have even reached 2! That shit does not happen in the real world and if does we do not want to know! Nappies are costing us a fortune right now.
- Do not tell us that you are loving every single moment of being a mum to a toddler who has a mind of their own and that you wont put them in day care because you can't stand to be apart from them for one minute because if you are a human that cannot possibly be true?
- DO tell us that you are exhausted, grumpy and stressed but you are loving the challenges and are especially loving the days you have them in child care because you get to get your hair done and actually have some 'me time' which you desperately need right now. We will believe you and love you for your honesty.
The Pre-school age
- Do not brag about how your little cherub is so clever and amazing that they are learning school work already in day care and can write their whole name and do maths sums that are not even taught in Prep already!
- Do not tell us that your child doesn't get separation anxiety when you leave them at day care to go to work and does not cling to your leg like a desperate animal begging their mummy not to leave them in this hell hole called kindy.
- Do not tell us that your child has never bitten, hit, scratched, pushed, punched or even kicked another child at day care cos we honestly just cannot believe that a child like that actually exists in the real world!
- Do not tell us that your pre-school child goes to bed so easily without an argument, can read their own books and sleeps through the night without coming up into your bed every night cos we may have to kill you right now, we are still tired from the newborn stage.
- DO tell us that your pre-school child has been in trouble at day care for pushing little Johnny and wet their pants and wont sleep in their own bed and we will sympathies with you and bring you alcohol to help you through the rough days!
The Primary school days
- Do not tell us that your child is in the top of the prep class, already reading level 13 and has been asked to help the other prep kids with their reading because we are still struggling with writing our first name in letters we can actually decipher!
- Do not tell us that your darling cherub is so popular that they are getting invited to every single prep kids party and that other kids are actually fighting over who can hang out with your little cherub cos that little cherub may turn out to be a little smartarse who bullies other kids who are not so popular as they get older.
- Do not tell us that your cherub never answers you back, never wants anything when you go the shops, never eats Macca's and never has meltdowns whilst waiting for something in a line because now we know you are making that shit up and perhaps you are self medicating every night to ensure that you can make it through this wonderful life with your perfect child!
- DO tell us that you lose your shit regularly, struggle with your kids on a daily basis, need alcohol to help you through, love spending time away from them but are still enjoying being a mum and looking forward to the challenges ahead.
Now I'm sure there are many more rules that we can all add to these but for now these are the ones that spring to mind that real people have actually told me over the past few years. I'm sure that as our kids get older and grow into teenagers there will be so many more rules that we should abide by but I just don't even want to go there until I really have to!
If you follow the above rules, we will then know you are living in the real world with us and we will be happy to hang with you and to lend a hand or any advice that you ask from us and we will enjoy this crazy ride together!
Love ya guts
Katielou
Love it! My kids are average, I am average and we're completely and utterly imperfect. And I swear like a trooper. I say it makes up for my lack of drinking...
ReplyDeleteWhere were you when I had my kids? The Mothers Group I was in were so competitive it wasn't funny. I felt I was failing as a Mother for the exact same reasons you mention above. I too am a average woman with average kids who I love & who also drive me crazy. Thank you for your honesty, it's so refreshing.
ReplyDeleteBlissie.x