Hello fellow Covid-19 participants!
How is everyone doing? So we are now into the 1000th week of Iso and who else has lost all trace of time and meaning? It is definitely a situation that none of us would ever have imagined happening in our lifetimes and hopefully it will never happen again. I have said to my kids that this is their "War Story" and that they will be telling their children, Gosh back in 2020 we couldn't even go to school or see our friends for months so don't complain to me! My son who is 14 and works at Domino's said to me; "Why do I have to be an essential worker mum??" I said "be grateful son, a lot of people would kill to be in your shoes!"
Although this has been a stressful time there are a couple of things that I have enjoyed. (not many to be honest). I'm only working 2 days a week so having 5 days off has been nice although I haven't been doing much except exercising and watching a lot of Telly. (I will never be able to un-see Tiger King)
The cleaning obsession died after the first week so the house is back to looking like I'm working full time but that's the least of my cares.
I've spent a lot of time editing photos and learning new things on my drone and I've been able to spend a bit of time with my kids when they are not home schooling. (let's face it, the home schooling is pretty non existent in my house!)
I've downloaded Tiktok and been impressed with how creative some people are and even convinced my daughter to teach me a dance which she shared on her account which got over 1000 views so I was a bit chuffed about that. (not about the views, more about her actually wanting to do something with me and put it on her social media!)
The cats and I have bonded like never before and their daily routines have included more outside time which has kept them happy and I'm sure they will be very unhappy with me when I return to work full time (although probably not because they really don't care that much at all).
The financial situation has been a bit of shit show, yes I am getting Job-Keeper but the actual payment and the rules around it have completely fucked me up and it has caused me more stress than the actual Covid-19 pandemic itself. The "grey" area with the payment has left many people stressed and upset and it definitely has made me think very hard about my work situation and the loyalty I have for them. I'm sure many people who have lost their jobs would think I'm being a whinging cow right about now and I agree 100%, but if I can't be a whinging cow during this Pandemic what is the actual point? We all have our own set of problems and we need to be able to have empathy for everyone and their different situations.
The one thing that I has kept me sane during this time is my photography and the people who I know and have met through it. The fact that I have still been able to take photos by myself or with one person, flown my drone, gone for a swim in the ocean, chatted to mates online and made each other laugh has been the saviour. Imagine not having social media and the memes that have made us laugh and try to look at the positive side to all of this. I'm not sure we would have been managing as well as we all are.
Finally, I think as a nation we have done very well in keeping ourselves at home. We are outdoor people, we thrive off our environment and we love all things to do with being outdoors and being active but we have generally obeyed the rules and stayed home and we should be super proud of ourselves and give ourselves a pat on the back. Of course there are some idiots who were never going to obey the rules (yes I'm looking at those stupid NRL players) and do their part but thankfully we listened and we are seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. So I'm proud of you all and I cannot wait for the day when we can all come out of hibernation and hug the shit out of each other again!!
Stay safe people and wash your hands!
Katie xx
Wednesday, 29 April 2020
Saturday, 28 March 2020
Dating in the Covid-19 era....
Hi folks, welcome to the Covid-19 edition of my blog.
I thought I better sit down and tap out my thoughts considering I have so much time on my hands and I wanted to write something now so I could read it in 12 months time and remember how fucked up this time was for all of us in the world.
Firstly, I am one of the lucky ones so far, who has managed to keep a tiny grip on a job and yes I am not getting my normal shifts but I am still employed and am super grateful for that. Today the death toll in Australia is 14 and bound to get many more so I'm wondering when we will actually go into full lock-down to stop this bullshit getting any worse. The sooner the better I believe.
Secondly, because I am forever looking for love I decided that maybe in these tough times that there would be many people wanting to meet someone special so I jumped on Bumble and Tinder last week to see what was out there.
Thirdly, I should have just punched myself in the face before I downloaded the apps because the Corona Virus has changed NOTHING when it comes to people being dicks when it comes to dating apps.
Surprisingly I did swipe on about 4 guys on Tinder and matched with them all and all of them messaged me within a few moments of matching, (which is pretty unusual as you normally don't even get one message from a match let alone 4!)
I had some funny chats with a couple of them and had a laugh which is always good and after a few days of chatting on the app I exchanged phone numbers with 2 guys so we could chat via text.
One guy was from Brisbane and he was funny and witty and close to my age and the other guy was from the Goldy and seemed like a cool guy, into photography and the beach and we seemed to have a few things in common which is always a bonus, he was a few years younger than me but that has never bothered me before so I agreed to meet him for a walk ensuring we kept our 1.5 metres apart when we met.
On the day we were meeting I woke up with a bit of a cough so I text him to let him know and said maybe we should postpone because I didn't want to risk anything. He agreed and made a comment that he hoped I hadn't coughed all over my mum (who I had seen that morning) and for some reason it annoyed me because I assumed he was serious and it made me flinch when I read the text. I sent back a bit of a curt text asking if he thought I was stupid and of course he then sent back a few texts telling me that he didn't mean to offend me. But for some reason this must have put a sour taste to the connection because after another few random texts he ghosted me.
I then realised that the guy from Brisbane had also ghosted me after not hearing back from a text I had sent him the night before and so I promptly deleted Tinder and Bumble and the 2 guys mobile numbers because I was angry with myself for thinking that anything would have changed with those apps just because of the Corona Virus!
What I wish would have happened is that both guys had either picked up the phone and actually called me to make sure that the texts were not taken the wrong way, or had just text me and said "Hey it was nice to meet you but I'm not feeling this anymore, take care". But of course that seems too hard for guys to do these days, why? What is so hard about texting someone you have never met to tell them you aren't feeling it? I just don't understand it. And maybe these guys weren't right for me romantically, but we could have just been friends and we could have had a laugh together during these crazy times but for some reason guys don't seem to be able to pick up the phone and actually talk to someone to get to know them and as soon as they get a whiff of something that doesn't meet their expectations they ghost you!
So, it looks like I will be self isolating by myself with the cats for the next few months and hopefully the kids will wanna come and hang with me at some stage but if any of my friends hear me say I'm downloading dating apps again please send me a virtual punch in the face and remind me of this little experience so I can start cleaning the bathroom instead which is far less painful!
I hope everyone is coping in this scary world right now and if you want to talk just message me!
Katie xx
I thought I better sit down and tap out my thoughts considering I have so much time on my hands and I wanted to write something now so I could read it in 12 months time and remember how fucked up this time was for all of us in the world.
Firstly, I am one of the lucky ones so far, who has managed to keep a tiny grip on a job and yes I am not getting my normal shifts but I am still employed and am super grateful for that. Today the death toll in Australia is 14 and bound to get many more so I'm wondering when we will actually go into full lock-down to stop this bullshit getting any worse. The sooner the better I believe.
Secondly, because I am forever looking for love I decided that maybe in these tough times that there would be many people wanting to meet someone special so I jumped on Bumble and Tinder last week to see what was out there.
Thirdly, I should have just punched myself in the face before I downloaded the apps because the Corona Virus has changed NOTHING when it comes to people being dicks when it comes to dating apps.
Surprisingly I did swipe on about 4 guys on Tinder and matched with them all and all of them messaged me within a few moments of matching, (which is pretty unusual as you normally don't even get one message from a match let alone 4!)
I had some funny chats with a couple of them and had a laugh which is always good and after a few days of chatting on the app I exchanged phone numbers with 2 guys so we could chat via text.
One guy was from Brisbane and he was funny and witty and close to my age and the other guy was from the Goldy and seemed like a cool guy, into photography and the beach and we seemed to have a few things in common which is always a bonus, he was a few years younger than me but that has never bothered me before so I agreed to meet him for a walk ensuring we kept our 1.5 metres apart when we met.
On the day we were meeting I woke up with a bit of a cough so I text him to let him know and said maybe we should postpone because I didn't want to risk anything. He agreed and made a comment that he hoped I hadn't coughed all over my mum (who I had seen that morning) and for some reason it annoyed me because I assumed he was serious and it made me flinch when I read the text. I sent back a bit of a curt text asking if he thought I was stupid and of course he then sent back a few texts telling me that he didn't mean to offend me. But for some reason this must have put a sour taste to the connection because after another few random texts he ghosted me.
I then realised that the guy from Brisbane had also ghosted me after not hearing back from a text I had sent him the night before and so I promptly deleted Tinder and Bumble and the 2 guys mobile numbers because I was angry with myself for thinking that anything would have changed with those apps just because of the Corona Virus!
What I wish would have happened is that both guys had either picked up the phone and actually called me to make sure that the texts were not taken the wrong way, or had just text me and said "Hey it was nice to meet you but I'm not feeling this anymore, take care". But of course that seems too hard for guys to do these days, why? What is so hard about texting someone you have never met to tell them you aren't feeling it? I just don't understand it. And maybe these guys weren't right for me romantically, but we could have just been friends and we could have had a laugh together during these crazy times but for some reason guys don't seem to be able to pick up the phone and actually talk to someone to get to know them and as soon as they get a whiff of something that doesn't meet their expectations they ghost you!
So, it looks like I will be self isolating by myself with the cats for the next few months and hopefully the kids will wanna come and hang with me at some stage but if any of my friends hear me say I'm downloading dating apps again please send me a virtual punch in the face and remind me of this little experience so I can start cleaning the bathroom instead which is far less painful!
I hope everyone is coping in this scary world right now and if you want to talk just message me!
Katie xx
Wednesday, 12 February 2020
Please don't tell me I'm nuts
Well hello people! Welcome to 2020 and the beginning of a new decade. I had so much hope for this new year and it did start off well but unfortunately after 6 weeks it has taken a nose dive and I'm desperately trying to get myself out of the hole that someone else dug for me.
Yes I did it again, I fell for a guy who wasn't who I thought he was and now I'm wondering if it really is me with the problem or am I just doomed when it comes to meeting decent men?
This guy seemed different, he really did, the first few weeks were the most intense I've ever experienced with a man and I fell hard but something changed and the last few weeks were hellish and I can't help but wonder; Am I the problem? Am I just hopeless at relationships after 4 years of being single? Maybe, but also I wanted to make it work and I wanted to fall in love and perhaps that is my problem, I try too hard to fix things that aren't working just because I want to be successful and to say; "Look World, I can have a proper relationship!"
I also do know that if it's meant to be it will be and I have to keep telling myself that to make myself feel better after another shit experience. And I do know that some people just don't work together so if it's not working then you have to move on but you still get sad when it fails because when you start on a new adventure that starts off so well you always want it to work and admitting failure after such a short time is heartbreaking.
The one thing I do know is that I'm not nuts, in fact I'm probably the most non nutty person you would meet so when someone accuses me of being nuts that is my cue to walk away. I wont beg for attention from anyone (except my cats) and when you're made to feel that you are the one with the problem and you know in your heart that it's not you then its over.
So people, please trust your gut no matter how much you like someone, if your gut tells you there is something not right then it's not right. And yes, sometimes you have to get to the point where you are ready to walk away on your own terms, even when your friends are urging you to leave and this point is always different for everyone but also remember no person is worth a feeling of anxiety or insecurity. Relationships are meant to feel good even when you do have a disagreement, you are supposed to grow and learn from each other and if you love each other you will learn to compromise.
So another lesson learnt for me, another little scar to heal in my heart but I am always going to be open to falling in love again because we all deserve to be loved unconditionally!
In the meantime, the cats and I will be celebrating Valentines day together tomorrow because they never call me nuts...
Yes I did it again, I fell for a guy who wasn't who I thought he was and now I'm wondering if it really is me with the problem or am I just doomed when it comes to meeting decent men?
This guy seemed different, he really did, the first few weeks were the most intense I've ever experienced with a man and I fell hard but something changed and the last few weeks were hellish and I can't help but wonder; Am I the problem? Am I just hopeless at relationships after 4 years of being single? Maybe, but also I wanted to make it work and I wanted to fall in love and perhaps that is my problem, I try too hard to fix things that aren't working just because I want to be successful and to say; "Look World, I can have a proper relationship!"
I also do know that if it's meant to be it will be and I have to keep telling myself that to make myself feel better after another shit experience. And I do know that some people just don't work together so if it's not working then you have to move on but you still get sad when it fails because when you start on a new adventure that starts off so well you always want it to work and admitting failure after such a short time is heartbreaking.
The one thing I do know is that I'm not nuts, in fact I'm probably the most non nutty person you would meet so when someone accuses me of being nuts that is my cue to walk away. I wont beg for attention from anyone (except my cats) and when you're made to feel that you are the one with the problem and you know in your heart that it's not you then its over.
So people, please trust your gut no matter how much you like someone, if your gut tells you there is something not right then it's not right. And yes, sometimes you have to get to the point where you are ready to walk away on your own terms, even when your friends are urging you to leave and this point is always different for everyone but also remember no person is worth a feeling of anxiety or insecurity. Relationships are meant to feel good even when you do have a disagreement, you are supposed to grow and learn from each other and if you love each other you will learn to compromise.
So another lesson learnt for me, another little scar to heal in my heart but I am always going to be open to falling in love again because we all deserve to be loved unconditionally!
In the meantime, the cats and I will be celebrating Valentines day together tomorrow because they never call me nuts...
Friday, 6 December 2019
2019 - The year of unrequited love
So 2019 is nearly over and for another year in a row I am saying Good Riddance! This year has been a complete write off for many people that I know in lots of ways but the one thing that stands out for me is the amount of time I have wasted over liking guys who have not liked me back. The year of unrequited love, if you will.
There have been 3 different situations that I have found myself in all with varying degrees of crush factor on my behalf and even though all of the 3 situations have been completely different all have left me feeling pretty sad. Because there is really nothing worse for the soul than unrequited love, am I right people?!
The first situation was the worst and I'm sure many of my friends and followers will remember the time I was losing my shit on Instagram posting memes about someone who totally fucked with my head and my heart and if you don't remember the story you can always go back and read about it here. It's a great read and still plays on my mind months later when I find myself going over in my head why it happened and how I let it happen. But I did finally, after months and months, manage to move on and found myself falling into the arms of a guy who I had been friends with for a few years and had always had an attraction to. We had a good connection and for a few weeks I hoped it would turn into something more than sex but then of course all the same patterns started emerging and I realised I was crushing on someone who was not crushing on me and probably wasn't ever going to so I nipped it in the bud, even though the sex was great. I just wanted more than that and I knew I deserved it.
By this stage I was exhausted from the emotional roller coaster these guys were taking me on and I went into hibernation mode to try and get my shit together and find some happiness within myself. But of course it didn't take long for me to start crushing on someone else who I met through Instagram again (obviously I need to delete the bloody app) because for some damn reason I always get caught up in chatting with men there and I develop a false sense of closeness with someone that I don't know from a bar of soap. But this guy seemed different, he was funny and smart and creative and we had the best chats and we even caught up in person a few times to take photos together and I really liked him. He knew of my history with the guy who had hurt me earlier in the year and he just made me laugh and forget about all the shit. The problem was that he wasn't into me in that way and I knew it because he didn't flirt with me and our chats were all very mate orientated but I hoped he might change his mind one day and realise what a cool chick I was and how much fun we would have together as more than just mates. Until one day it just hit me, I was that creeper girl, the one who always answers people's stories that they like to try and keep the conversation going. To be in their face and to stay relevant even though there was no chance of anything ever happening. And I just didn't want to be that girl. I didn't want to spend the whole of 2019 liking guys who didn't like me back.
And this is the thing, so many people say to me, "wow you are so lucky, you are attractive and funny and you must be able to get any guy you want, wow I can't believe you are 50!"
But I can't get any guy I want because my experiences this year have proven that and at the end of the day, none of that stuff matters anymore. It doesn't matter if you are the most attractive person on the internet, if it's not meant to be, it just wont be and sometimes you just gotta admit that, cut your losses and move on.
I guess 2019 will always be my year of unrequited love and maybe 2020 won't be any better but at least now I know when to see the signs and hopefully I wont waste as much time crushing on guys who don't like me back. The quest for love will still continue and maybe one day it will happen but until then, I have my kids, the best friends a girl could ever ask for and of course my pussy cats, because we all know, they are the true loves of my life.....
Katie xx
There have been 3 different situations that I have found myself in all with varying degrees of crush factor on my behalf and even though all of the 3 situations have been completely different all have left me feeling pretty sad. Because there is really nothing worse for the soul than unrequited love, am I right people?!
The first situation was the worst and I'm sure many of my friends and followers will remember the time I was losing my shit on Instagram posting memes about someone who totally fucked with my head and my heart and if you don't remember the story you can always go back and read about it here. It's a great read and still plays on my mind months later when I find myself going over in my head why it happened and how I let it happen. But I did finally, after months and months, manage to move on and found myself falling into the arms of a guy who I had been friends with for a few years and had always had an attraction to. We had a good connection and for a few weeks I hoped it would turn into something more than sex but then of course all the same patterns started emerging and I realised I was crushing on someone who was not crushing on me and probably wasn't ever going to so I nipped it in the bud, even though the sex was great. I just wanted more than that and I knew I deserved it.
By this stage I was exhausted from the emotional roller coaster these guys were taking me on and I went into hibernation mode to try and get my shit together and find some happiness within myself. But of course it didn't take long for me to start crushing on someone else who I met through Instagram again (obviously I need to delete the bloody app) because for some damn reason I always get caught up in chatting with men there and I develop a false sense of closeness with someone that I don't know from a bar of soap. But this guy seemed different, he was funny and smart and creative and we had the best chats and we even caught up in person a few times to take photos together and I really liked him. He knew of my history with the guy who had hurt me earlier in the year and he just made me laugh and forget about all the shit. The problem was that he wasn't into me in that way and I knew it because he didn't flirt with me and our chats were all very mate orientated but I hoped he might change his mind one day and realise what a cool chick I was and how much fun we would have together as more than just mates. Until one day it just hit me, I was that creeper girl, the one who always answers people's stories that they like to try and keep the conversation going. To be in their face and to stay relevant even though there was no chance of anything ever happening. And I just didn't want to be that girl. I didn't want to spend the whole of 2019 liking guys who didn't like me back.
And this is the thing, so many people say to me, "wow you are so lucky, you are attractive and funny and you must be able to get any guy you want, wow I can't believe you are 50!"
But I can't get any guy I want because my experiences this year have proven that and at the end of the day, none of that stuff matters anymore. It doesn't matter if you are the most attractive person on the internet, if it's not meant to be, it just wont be and sometimes you just gotta admit that, cut your losses and move on.
I guess 2019 will always be my year of unrequited love and maybe 2020 won't be any better but at least now I know when to see the signs and hopefully I wont waste as much time crushing on guys who don't like me back. The quest for love will still continue and maybe one day it will happen but until then, I have my kids, the best friends a girl could ever ask for and of course my pussy cats, because we all know, they are the true loves of my life.....
Katie xx
Sunday, 11 August 2019
Where have all the good men gone?
When I decided to get a divorce there was one thing that I never thought about when I was in the midst of all the separation stuff. Will I be by myself forever?
This thought never crossed my mind or even registered at that time because I didn't care. I just wanted to be happy and I had been unhappy for a long time so being by myself actually seemed attractive and something I really wanted at that time.
Now nearly 4 years later and it is definitely on my mind on a regular basis. It is something that a lot of women I know think of because I have a lot of single friends and at the end of the day we would all love to find someone to share our lives with. Once the kids have grown up and moved out and you're on your own most nights, the loneliness definitely does creep up on you and to have someone even just to sit on the lounge with and fight over what to watch on TV seems very attractive but unfortunately quite elusive.
When I think of my friendship circle, at this point in time I have more single friends than I do married ones and most of them are women with the occasional guy thrown in. The ratio of single women to men on the Gold Coast is about 5 to 1 so unfortunately for most of my single girlfriends it looks like we may be single for a long time to come unless we move overseas! Most of us have tried online dating with no real success and the quality of single guys seems to be a little lower than our expectations.
One of the problems I have witnessed is that all the single women are taking care of themselves, (not really a problem for us), but we have access to a lot of things guys don't. We get out hair dyed and styled regularly, we go to the gym or work out in some capacity and we invest in some things that make us look and feel better about ourselves because we want to make an effort just in case we ever meet the man of our dreams down at the local 7/11.
Single men, on the other hand hit an age where they don't seem to care anymore and let themselves go, not worrying about their fitness or their grooming, drinking a little too much and being a bit slobby and the thing is, they can do this because they have a bevvy of single women wanting to meet someone who are willing to accept a man with flaws just to be with someone, anyone!
And of course I'm not saying that women don't have any flaws, god who doesn't have flaws but we seem to want to cover those flaws up more than the men do and this seems so unfair.
In my experience I have never had a problem meeting guys, hell I work at a golf club with over 800 male members so I am surrounded by men of all shapes and sizes on a daily basis. Some of these guys are the most amazing married men, who adore their wives and have been happily married for many years. Some of them just like to play golf 5 days a week to get out of the house away from their wives for as long as possible to hang with their mates. Some are sleazy and cross the line on a daily basis with the female staff but we just take it in our stride and talk about them behind their backs! (code name: sleazy wine bar) and yes I have dated a couple of the members over the past 3 years but have realised that this is definitely not a good idea especially when things turn sour as it just makes it awkward for both me and the guy when they come to the club so that has now been ceased! Lesson learnt the hard way, don't shit where you eat, or something like that?
So where else do we meet men? Going out and clubbing is way too expensive and frankly just not enjoyable anymore, going to trendy bars surrounded by young beautiful things with felt floppy hats and deck shoes is so bad for the middle aged persons ego, meeting men via Instagram has proven to be extremely unsuccessful for me this year (if I get another guy telling me how sexy I am and to please send nudes cos they want to fuck me but only interested in casually hooking up, I may shoot myself) and if another one of my married friends tells me to "Stop looking for Mr Right, you will find someone when the time is right and they will just fall in your lap!" I may just slap them fair in their pretty married face!
Of course being single is definitely not the worst thing in the world, it comes with freedom, independence and living life exactly how you want to, but how good would it be to have someone to cuddle on the lounge during the Winter and to argue with about what to watch on TV and of course to finally get sex fit!! What even is that anyway? Can someone tell me????
So in conclusion, perhaps us girls need to stop making so much effort to look good and the men need to up their game a little bit so we can be on more of an even playing field and perhaps have more of a chance of finding that elusive person that we can get sex fit with again...
Just thinking out loud here people!
Katie xx
This thought never crossed my mind or even registered at that time because I didn't care. I just wanted to be happy and I had been unhappy for a long time so being by myself actually seemed attractive and something I really wanted at that time.
Now nearly 4 years later and it is definitely on my mind on a regular basis. It is something that a lot of women I know think of because I have a lot of single friends and at the end of the day we would all love to find someone to share our lives with. Once the kids have grown up and moved out and you're on your own most nights, the loneliness definitely does creep up on you and to have someone even just to sit on the lounge with and fight over what to watch on TV seems very attractive but unfortunately quite elusive.
When I think of my friendship circle, at this point in time I have more single friends than I do married ones and most of them are women with the occasional guy thrown in. The ratio of single women to men on the Gold Coast is about 5 to 1 so unfortunately for most of my single girlfriends it looks like we may be single for a long time to come unless we move overseas! Most of us have tried online dating with no real success and the quality of single guys seems to be a little lower than our expectations.
One of the problems I have witnessed is that all the single women are taking care of themselves, (not really a problem for us), but we have access to a lot of things guys don't. We get out hair dyed and styled regularly, we go to the gym or work out in some capacity and we invest in some things that make us look and feel better about ourselves because we want to make an effort just in case we ever meet the man of our dreams down at the local 7/11.
Single men, on the other hand hit an age where they don't seem to care anymore and let themselves go, not worrying about their fitness or their grooming, drinking a little too much and being a bit slobby and the thing is, they can do this because they have a bevvy of single women wanting to meet someone who are willing to accept a man with flaws just to be with someone, anyone!
And of course I'm not saying that women don't have any flaws, god who doesn't have flaws but we seem to want to cover those flaws up more than the men do and this seems so unfair.
In my experience I have never had a problem meeting guys, hell I work at a golf club with over 800 male members so I am surrounded by men of all shapes and sizes on a daily basis. Some of these guys are the most amazing married men, who adore their wives and have been happily married for many years. Some of them just like to play golf 5 days a week to get out of the house away from their wives for as long as possible to hang with their mates. Some are sleazy and cross the line on a daily basis with the female staff but we just take it in our stride and talk about them behind their backs! (code name: sleazy wine bar) and yes I have dated a couple of the members over the past 3 years but have realised that this is definitely not a good idea especially when things turn sour as it just makes it awkward for both me and the guy when they come to the club so that has now been ceased! Lesson learnt the hard way, don't shit where you eat, or something like that?
So where else do we meet men? Going out and clubbing is way too expensive and frankly just not enjoyable anymore, going to trendy bars surrounded by young beautiful things with felt floppy hats and deck shoes is so bad for the middle aged persons ego, meeting men via Instagram has proven to be extremely unsuccessful for me this year (if I get another guy telling me how sexy I am and to please send nudes cos they want to fuck me but only interested in casually hooking up, I may shoot myself) and if another one of my married friends tells me to "Stop looking for Mr Right, you will find someone when the time is right and they will just fall in your lap!" I may just slap them fair in their pretty married face!
Of course being single is definitely not the worst thing in the world, it comes with freedom, independence and living life exactly how you want to, but how good would it be to have someone to cuddle on the lounge during the Winter and to argue with about what to watch on TV and of course to finally get sex fit!! What even is that anyway? Can someone tell me????
So in conclusion, perhaps us girls need to stop making so much effort to look good and the men need to up their game a little bit so we can be on more of an even playing field and perhaps have more of a chance of finding that elusive person that we can get sex fit with again...
Just thinking out loud here people!
Katie xx
Friday, 19 July 2019
The 10 year marriage agreement
When I got married back in 2001, I was 31 years old, very much in love with my fiancé and with lots of stars in my eyes. I believed that we would be married forever, and who doesn’t believe that when they are marrying the love of their life? Fast forward 10 years with two children conceived via IVF, a relocation to a different state and a lot of sleepless nights, the cracks can start to appear. The person that you were 10 years ago has grown up and realised that creating a family, being a parent and still giving your partner attention all while you are trying to sustain your lives financially isn’t an easy job. I was lucky that both my partner and I were great friends who never argued and agreed on the best way to bring up our children. But after a period of time we lost our passion for each other and we discovered different interests and hobbies and spent more time apart. Our marriage fell apart not because of any tragic incident or argument. We were just better off as friends and although it was heartbreaking to break our family up after 15 years of marriage, 3 1/2 years later we are all doing pretty well.
Since I have been a single I have had a lot of different experiences with men, some okay, some pretty terrible and some downright ridiculous. I have never lacked male attention and that can be a good thing, and a bad thing. I have been with men less than half my age and have found that younger men definitely have a thing for older women. I have tried online dating, I have met men through my work and I have really given it a good try but unfortunately I have not met anyone who I want to spend the rest of my life with.....yet! (Trying to be positive here folks).
The one thing that has surprised me over the past few years has been how many married men have approached me to hook up with them even though they are supposedly “happily married”. It's always the same old story, I love my wife but we never have sex, I’m bored and need a little bit of excitement, I find you extremely sexy and would love to sleep with you just one time, I don’t want to separate from my wife for the children’s sake but need something to spice it up. I don’t want to hurt you and hope we can be friends. Blah blah blah. Honestly if I hear this one more time I may slap someone. Probably the married man saying it to me! This is why I believe that marriage should be on a 10 year agreement. You sign the agreement at your wedding along with your marriage certificate and if you are both still happy after 10 years you stay together but if not, you can divorce and move on, no hard feelings.
Society has drilled it into us that we all should grow up, meet the love of our lives, get married, have babies and have a mortgage and although we now have many different variations of this we mostly are still lead to believe that is how life should go.
But yet affairs are still major issues in our lives, with so many marriages ending bitterly when one partner gets found out that they have cheated.
This could all be avoided if we had the 10 year agreement. Imagine, it’s 9 years into the marriage, the passion has worn off, the kids are at that annoying stage and you just wanna break from life in general. You know your 10 years is coming up and you hold on that little bit longer so you don’t hurt anyone and then decide not to renew the agreement. Happy days!
Of course there is always the issue that one person wants to go and one wants to stay so this is going to cause some problems but if you have that kind of one sided marriage, is it really worth staying anyway?
I remember telling my ex husband about 10 years into our marriage that I wasn’t happy and that I thought we should separate but he refused, saying he didn’t want to leave because of the kids. Not because he still loved me. He knew we weren’t connecting anymore but he said financially we couldn’t afford to separate. At that stage I think I was about 41 and looking back now I wish I had of followed through with the separation then because I believe I would have had a better chance of meeting someone else in my early 40s rather than now when I’m nearly 50. But I stayed for another 5 years and left when I was 46 and have struggled to have a good connection with anyone since then. I have also gone into that stage where I’m so good at being by myself that the thought of sacrificing my freedom scares the shit out of me and although I get lonely and would love someone to hang out with, the alternative is pretty hard to give up. Not answering to anyone, not having to consider anyone’s feelings and just doing what I want when I want is pretty damn good.
Now of course there may be some people that laugh at the 10 year marriage agreement, like my brother and his wife who are both still deeply in love after 27 years and would have never even have considered leaving each other after 10 years and thank goodness for these people who give you hope that a ever lasting love can be real. And then there are those people who would think 10 years is too much and would need a 5 year agreement and maybe those people never should have gotten married in the first place and just kept dating or living together. These people are the ones who want the big wedding and the idea of being married but maybe weren't that suited for domestic life in the first place?
There will always be exceptions but from my experience I think the shine starts to rub off at that 10 year period and if there was an agreement in place I believe that a lot of marriages would end a lot more amicably than many do, with bitter divorces, fighting and custody dramas which leaves everyone mentally exhausted and financially ruined.
If we all had the option of signing off after 10 years would there be so many affairs occurring? So many people chatting up strangers on Instagram and Facebook? So many people getting caught out by their partners? I really don't think.
Anyway it's just a theory of mine, but I reckon I'm onto something for sure.
Katie xx
Friday, 12 July 2019
Beware the most charming man on Instagram
Something funny happened to me a little while ago, well it wasn't really funny, it was sort of awful and a little heartbreaking but also a definite eye opener and a situation that got me thinking about dating in this day and age as a single mum with social media, dating apps and all the weird things that happen along the way when you are using these apps.
My experiences as an amateur photographer on social media over the past 5 years have mostly been positive. I have met some of my best friends and some incredible people through the app and am forever grateful for the experiences I have been lucky enough to enjoy. Of course, like most people I have had some shitty times along the way but I have always managed to bounce back from these and still remain dedicated and positive about Instagram, until lately.
As a single mum who works full time with 2 teenagers and a "faux" 2nd job helping to run a busy and successful community Instagram account I don't have a lot of time to go out and meet people, so my main form of social interaction is through Instagram and Facebook and I find myself spending many hours online chatting to friends at night when I'm by myself. Some of these people I have met and know well and value them as friends, some I have only met briefly but have good connections with them and others I have never met but have formed friendships that are comfortable and have been created over 5 years without having to meet in person. I also have many men who message me (as I'm sure all women do online), some of these guys are harmless and just lonely who want someone to chat to, others are annoying and have to be told to go away, I usually can tell which category they fall into after a short period of time and I try to remain polite and friendly so as not to cause any negative vibes online. I'm all about keeping it positive on social media.
A few months ago I started chatting to a guy through IG who I had been following for awhile, we had chatted briefly before, answering each other's stories and he had always seemed pleasant and friendly. I loved his photos and we struck up a conversation about everything you could possibly imagine. We chatted intensely for a week, all day and at night and by the end of the week we had gone on our first date where we took photos and had dinner. We got along well and I liked him. He had a little boy and although that wouldn't normally be something I would be looking for I was willing to go with the flow and see what happened. He told me he hadn't been with anyone for 6 months and was divorced and hadn't met anyone like me for a long time. I was swept off my feet and excited about maybe finally meeting someone who I could hang out with and had something in common with.
After seeing each other a few times over a couple of weeks I had fallen hard but he always remained pretty private and wasn't opening up to me like you normally would after seeing each other for a few weeks. I noticed he would get a little nasty if I pressured him too much to take things a bit quicker and he started to back off and stopped texting me as much and I felt the vibe change. I figured he wasn't that into me anymore and although I was super disappointed I decided to give him the opportunity to bow out by texting him telling him I wasn't feeling it anymore and that we should just be friends. His answer to that text was to completely do a 360 and ask me to give it another go and he explained that he had been so busy at work and with his little boy and that I had come out of the blue and he really wanted to get to know me better and to start again.
Of course I decided to give it another go because I did genuinely like him.
What followed over the next 3 months was an absolute roller coaster and not one of those fun ones at the theme parks, more like one of those terrifying ones that make you want to vomit when you eventually get off.
He had a way of making me feel that I was too needy when I wanted to see him, that I was too pushy when I asked him personal questions and he kept me at a distance not letting me know the real person he was. He was always incredibly busy, working away and looking after his son but he kept me hanging in there, texting me randomly when he felt I was drifting away and saying all the right things when I asked him if he still wanted to see me. For some reason I kept thinking that maybe I was rushing things and that I should slow down and let things happen at a pace that suited him. The red flags were practically blinding me but I kept going.
Eventually, after a few more weeks, I tired of the anxiety he was causing me and decided I had had enough. I text him I was done and of course he turned it around and made out that I was the one with the problem, that I was a drama queen and way too needy and that it was such a shame as he was just starting to feel close to me.
I decided to get on Tinder which I hated but needed to take my mind off him and thought that dating would help me move on. I had 3 dates but unfortunately none of these worked out and one night a few weeks after we had stopped talking he text me asking how I was. He caught me at a bad time and I made the stupid mistake of telling him I was feeling depressed and he managed to get me talking, telling him about my dates. He completely sweet talked me and the next thing I knew I was asking if we could give it another try because I missed him! I honestly don't know what the the fuck I was thinking at this point, I was just so fucked up by him that I wanted to work something out to prove to myself that I could have a successful relationship. We agreed to start again and see what happened. We began texting every day again and saw each other a few times. We hadn't slept together for awhile though and this was the part that baffled me, why was I so infatuated with this guy when we didn't even have a good sexual connection? What the fuck was it that made me want to be with him so much, even though when we were actually together he didn't even make me feel good about myself?
Over the next few weeks the situation didn't improve. He was "breadcrumbing" me which I found out meant randomly texting me just to keep me hanging on but never actually making any effort to be with me. All of my friends begged me to block him and every day I would wake up promising not to contact him but then something would happen and I would text him and I would be back to where I started. I lost weight, couldn't sleep and was suffering anxiety for the first time since my marriage breakup. He was your typical narcissist, charming and convincing when he needed to be but nasty and mean if I ever questioned him about anything which didn't make sense.
I was at work one day in the midst of the anxiety he was constantly causing me when I received a message from a lady on IG whom I had briefly told about my situation but had never told her who it was I was seeing. She asked me if I would tell her because she had been getting flirty messages from someone on IG and her gut instinct told her it was the same guy, and of course it was! I felt physically sick and was so angry. Why had I kept it going after that first break? Just stupid behaviour on my behalf.
A few days later I was shooting sunrise with a friend who I had met only a few weeks before but we had a great connection and I had told her what was happening with him and she told me he had actually privately messaged her too and had tried to strike up a bit of a flirty conversation which she had quickly put a stop to as she was happily married. I was so upset that I had let this guy come into my life and treat me so badly and that I had been completely blindsided by him.
The night before I had posted a meme about Instagram being just as bad as Tinder on my story. A random girl who followed me answered my story while I was shooting sunrise, telling me she related to my meme as she was having a crappy time with a guy she was seeing whom she met through Instagram. Something just clicked in my gut and I knew it was the same guy I had been seeing. I asked her what his name was and my suspicions were correct. We rang each other comparing stories and talking for an hour. Both of us were in shock, the lies and deceit were next level. He had been seeing her since December, me since February. We spent the day messaging each other trying to figure out all of his lies and we both text him telling him we knew of his deceit which of course caused a huge shit storm. Looking back now that day is just a huge blur.
But it gets worse, as I was dropping my daughter to her friends later that afternoon, another girl from Instagram who I had met briefly before, answered my meme saying she had had a bad experience with a guy she met through Instagram. I asked what his name was and guess what, SAME GUY! She had been in a relationship with him since Sept last year, up until February this year, so although our time didn't cross over, it sure did with the first girl. We created a group chat and spent all night dissecting all the lies and deceit.
That night while I was in bed, he text me, asking how I was. I didn't even know how to react or feel. I knew that although we had never officially been in a relationship, the lies he had told me and the stories he had concocted had rocked me and I was deeply hurt, but yet I was still letting him text me, apologising and begging me to forgive him, telling me he was never with these other girls in a relationship and that they were both crazy.
Over the next few days, the group chat got one extra member, his ex-girlfriend who I already knew through Instagram and invited to the chat, her time with him had been a lot longer and intense than any of us and her pain and anxiety was still so raw. She filled us in with all of her experiences with him and we were shocked to learn of the extent of his lying and deceit over many years and with so many other girls. He was relentless with his pursuing of woman to feed his ego.
Over the next week he messaged me constantly, telling me he was depressed, begging me to help him, ringing me trying to explain that he was fucked up but it was all because he had lost the love of his life and he couldn't stand the pain and that was why he was so terrible at relationships.
For some reason I kept taking the calls, answering the messages, feeling sorry for him and doing what I could to cheer him up. What was wrong with me?? I had always been a strong person who didn't take any shit but when it came to this man I was at a loss why I kept answering his texts and why I even wanted him still in my life after all the terrible things he had done to me and so many other innocent girls. He had lied to me constantly and cheated on me and and it actually sickened me that I was being so weak.
I had never let a guy treat me like this before and I am nearly 50!
It is now a month since that morning when it all came to a head and looking back I can honestly say that I am ashamed of my behavior during that month. I have had so many moments of weakness when I allowed him back in my life, thinking we could be friends and allowing him to still treat me badly. I have been weak and pathetic and I've hated myself but I have finally had enough of being taken advantage of. I have found the strength to move on and not let him be a part of my life anymore.
It has definitely been a battle but I am confident I am winning that battle now. I have formed a bond with the other girls that we share because we have all experienced this persons bad behavior and I'm sure there are many more women out there who have experienced it too. I just feel sad for the innocent women that will fall under his spell in the future and I hope that he maybe one day he realises how many hearts he has broken before he breaks too many more. I think we all need to trust our gut instincts more and when the red flags are blinding please make sure you favourite colour isn't red!
They say everything happens for a reason and I don't really know if that is true but I have met some beautiful people through this experience who have been super supportive and have helped me find my inner strength again so I think that might just be the reason this happened, for all of us to find these beautiful friendships to support each other and get strong again.
Instagram has definitely changed my life in many good ways and has also taught me some pretty hard lessons but I will always be grateful for the friendships I have created along the way and I will definitely be a lot smarter when it comes to meeting men through social media in the future!
Katie xx
My experiences as an amateur photographer on social media over the past 5 years have mostly been positive. I have met some of my best friends and some incredible people through the app and am forever grateful for the experiences I have been lucky enough to enjoy. Of course, like most people I have had some shitty times along the way but I have always managed to bounce back from these and still remain dedicated and positive about Instagram, until lately.
As a single mum who works full time with 2 teenagers and a "faux" 2nd job helping to run a busy and successful community Instagram account I don't have a lot of time to go out and meet people, so my main form of social interaction is through Instagram and Facebook and I find myself spending many hours online chatting to friends at night when I'm by myself. Some of these people I have met and know well and value them as friends, some I have only met briefly but have good connections with them and others I have never met but have formed friendships that are comfortable and have been created over 5 years without having to meet in person. I also have many men who message me (as I'm sure all women do online), some of these guys are harmless and just lonely who want someone to chat to, others are annoying and have to be told to go away, I usually can tell which category they fall into after a short period of time and I try to remain polite and friendly so as not to cause any negative vibes online. I'm all about keeping it positive on social media.
A few months ago I started chatting to a guy through IG who I had been following for awhile, we had chatted briefly before, answering each other's stories and he had always seemed pleasant and friendly. I loved his photos and we struck up a conversation about everything you could possibly imagine. We chatted intensely for a week, all day and at night and by the end of the week we had gone on our first date where we took photos and had dinner. We got along well and I liked him. He had a little boy and although that wouldn't normally be something I would be looking for I was willing to go with the flow and see what happened. He told me he hadn't been with anyone for 6 months and was divorced and hadn't met anyone like me for a long time. I was swept off my feet and excited about maybe finally meeting someone who I could hang out with and had something in common with.
After seeing each other a few times over a couple of weeks I had fallen hard but he always remained pretty private and wasn't opening up to me like you normally would after seeing each other for a few weeks. I noticed he would get a little nasty if I pressured him too much to take things a bit quicker and he started to back off and stopped texting me as much and I felt the vibe change. I figured he wasn't that into me anymore and although I was super disappointed I decided to give him the opportunity to bow out by texting him telling him I wasn't feeling it anymore and that we should just be friends. His answer to that text was to completely do a 360 and ask me to give it another go and he explained that he had been so busy at work and with his little boy and that I had come out of the blue and he really wanted to get to know me better and to start again.
Of course I decided to give it another go because I did genuinely like him.
What followed over the next 3 months was an absolute roller coaster and not one of those fun ones at the theme parks, more like one of those terrifying ones that make you want to vomit when you eventually get off.
He had a way of making me feel that I was too needy when I wanted to see him, that I was too pushy when I asked him personal questions and he kept me at a distance not letting me know the real person he was. He was always incredibly busy, working away and looking after his son but he kept me hanging in there, texting me randomly when he felt I was drifting away and saying all the right things when I asked him if he still wanted to see me. For some reason I kept thinking that maybe I was rushing things and that I should slow down and let things happen at a pace that suited him. The red flags were practically blinding me but I kept going.
Eventually, after a few more weeks, I tired of the anxiety he was causing me and decided I had had enough. I text him I was done and of course he turned it around and made out that I was the one with the problem, that I was a drama queen and way too needy and that it was such a shame as he was just starting to feel close to me.
I decided to get on Tinder which I hated but needed to take my mind off him and thought that dating would help me move on. I had 3 dates but unfortunately none of these worked out and one night a few weeks after we had stopped talking he text me asking how I was. He caught me at a bad time and I made the stupid mistake of telling him I was feeling depressed and he managed to get me talking, telling him about my dates. He completely sweet talked me and the next thing I knew I was asking if we could give it another try because I missed him! I honestly don't know what the the fuck I was thinking at this point, I was just so fucked up by him that I wanted to work something out to prove to myself that I could have a successful relationship. We agreed to start again and see what happened. We began texting every day again and saw each other a few times. We hadn't slept together for awhile though and this was the part that baffled me, why was I so infatuated with this guy when we didn't even have a good sexual connection? What the fuck was it that made me want to be with him so much, even though when we were actually together he didn't even make me feel good about myself?
Over the next few weeks the situation didn't improve. He was "breadcrumbing" me which I found out meant randomly texting me just to keep me hanging on but never actually making any effort to be with me. All of my friends begged me to block him and every day I would wake up promising not to contact him but then something would happen and I would text him and I would be back to where I started. I lost weight, couldn't sleep and was suffering anxiety for the first time since my marriage breakup. He was your typical narcissist, charming and convincing when he needed to be but nasty and mean if I ever questioned him about anything which didn't make sense.
I was at work one day in the midst of the anxiety he was constantly causing me when I received a message from a lady on IG whom I had briefly told about my situation but had never told her who it was I was seeing. She asked me if I would tell her because she had been getting flirty messages from someone on IG and her gut instinct told her it was the same guy, and of course it was! I felt physically sick and was so angry. Why had I kept it going after that first break? Just stupid behaviour on my behalf.
A few days later I was shooting sunrise with a friend who I had met only a few weeks before but we had a great connection and I had told her what was happening with him and she told me he had actually privately messaged her too and had tried to strike up a bit of a flirty conversation which she had quickly put a stop to as she was happily married. I was so upset that I had let this guy come into my life and treat me so badly and that I had been completely blindsided by him.
The night before I had posted a meme about Instagram being just as bad as Tinder on my story. A random girl who followed me answered my story while I was shooting sunrise, telling me she related to my meme as she was having a crappy time with a guy she was seeing whom she met through Instagram. Something just clicked in my gut and I knew it was the same guy I had been seeing. I asked her what his name was and my suspicions were correct. We rang each other comparing stories and talking for an hour. Both of us were in shock, the lies and deceit were next level. He had been seeing her since December, me since February. We spent the day messaging each other trying to figure out all of his lies and we both text him telling him we knew of his deceit which of course caused a huge shit storm. Looking back now that day is just a huge blur.
But it gets worse, as I was dropping my daughter to her friends later that afternoon, another girl from Instagram who I had met briefly before, answered my meme saying she had had a bad experience with a guy she met through Instagram. I asked what his name was and guess what, SAME GUY! She had been in a relationship with him since Sept last year, up until February this year, so although our time didn't cross over, it sure did with the first girl. We created a group chat and spent all night dissecting all the lies and deceit.
That night while I was in bed, he text me, asking how I was. I didn't even know how to react or feel. I knew that although we had never officially been in a relationship, the lies he had told me and the stories he had concocted had rocked me and I was deeply hurt, but yet I was still letting him text me, apologising and begging me to forgive him, telling me he was never with these other girls in a relationship and that they were both crazy.
Over the next few days, the group chat got one extra member, his ex-girlfriend who I already knew through Instagram and invited to the chat, her time with him had been a lot longer and intense than any of us and her pain and anxiety was still so raw. She filled us in with all of her experiences with him and we were shocked to learn of the extent of his lying and deceit over many years and with so many other girls. He was relentless with his pursuing of woman to feed his ego.
Over the next week he messaged me constantly, telling me he was depressed, begging me to help him, ringing me trying to explain that he was fucked up but it was all because he had lost the love of his life and he couldn't stand the pain and that was why he was so terrible at relationships.
For some reason I kept taking the calls, answering the messages, feeling sorry for him and doing what I could to cheer him up. What was wrong with me?? I had always been a strong person who didn't take any shit but when it came to this man I was at a loss why I kept answering his texts and why I even wanted him still in my life after all the terrible things he had done to me and so many other innocent girls. He had lied to me constantly and cheated on me and and it actually sickened me that I was being so weak.
I had never let a guy treat me like this before and I am nearly 50!
It is now a month since that morning when it all came to a head and looking back I can honestly say that I am ashamed of my behavior during that month. I have had so many moments of weakness when I allowed him back in my life, thinking we could be friends and allowing him to still treat me badly. I have been weak and pathetic and I've hated myself but I have finally had enough of being taken advantage of. I have found the strength to move on and not let him be a part of my life anymore.
It has definitely been a battle but I am confident I am winning that battle now. I have formed a bond with the other girls that we share because we have all experienced this persons bad behavior and I'm sure there are many more women out there who have experienced it too. I just feel sad for the innocent women that will fall under his spell in the future and I hope that he maybe one day he realises how many hearts he has broken before he breaks too many more. I think we all need to trust our gut instincts more and when the red flags are blinding please make sure you favourite colour isn't red!
They say everything happens for a reason and I don't really know if that is true but I have met some beautiful people through this experience who have been super supportive and have helped me find my inner strength again so I think that might just be the reason this happened, for all of us to find these beautiful friendships to support each other and get strong again.
Instagram has definitely changed my life in many good ways and has also taught me some pretty hard lessons but I will always be grateful for the friendships I have created along the way and I will definitely be a lot smarter when it comes to meeting men through social media in the future!
Katie xx
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