I thought it was about time I gave you all an update on how things are doing since my last blog which was pretty raw and pretty shocking to a lot of people. It has definitely been a difficult time in my life and probably when I think about it, the most difficult time I've ever faced in my 46 years.
In my last post which you can read here I told you about my decision to end my marriage after 17 years of being together and how I had so much ahead of me to deal with and now as I sit here in my new rental house by myself whilst the kids are at their dads it really has dawned on me how much I have gone through in the past few months.
Ending a marriage is probably one of most stressful things you can ever go through, I really wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy but to live life being constantly unhappy is something no human should have to endure and to make the decision to end it is incredibly brave. For people who are involved in marriages that are volatile and violent it's a no brainer to end that situation if they can but to end a marriage that has no conflict, no ups and downs, no drama its a different story, one that takes a lot of courage and a lot of soul searching especially when kids are involved.
After one week of being by myself I feel I have made the right decision. As much as the lead up to moving and physically separating was the most stressful of my life, I feel a kind of peace and contentment which I haven't felt for a long time. Yes we are still getting used to being apart and trying to work out a schedule with the kids and its all a bit of a juggling act but I know in time that will work out and even though I did cry today when I dropped my daughter back to her dads I think that may have had something to do with the fact I had just spent 2 hours shopping with her which is a HELL in itself and not because I actually miss her! (and I maybe premenstrual which explains itself really).
There are a lot of things that I'm scared about, am I going to manage financially, am I going to be lonely, will my kids be ok mentally growing up with divorced parents, will I regret my decision one day? So many questions constantly run through my head but I have such a huge support network with friends from so many different groups I know they will always be there to build me up and help me move forward. Twitter friends, Facebook and Instagram friends, Photography friends, work friends and friends I've known for many years have all reached out and given me strength whether its been from a uplifting tweet, a private message or in real life, the support has been overwhelming and calming. I've never felt more loved and supported in my whole life than I do right now.
So I wanted to thank you all for being there for me these past few months, whether its just been listening to me rant on Twitter, reading my updates on Facebook, sending me love in any way shape or form I appreciate every single last one of you. Couldn't have gotten here without all the love.
Thank you xx
