So 2019 is nearly over and for another year in a row I am saying Good Riddance! This year has been a complete write off for many people that I know in lots of ways but the one thing that stands out for me is the amount of time I have wasted over liking guys who have not liked me back. The year of unrequited love, if you will.
There have been 3 different situations that I have found myself in all with varying degrees of crush factor on my behalf and even though all of the 3 situations have been completely different all have left me feeling pretty sad. Because there is really nothing worse for the soul than unrequited love, am I right people?!
The first situation was the worst and I'm sure many of my friends and followers will remember the time I was losing my shit on Instagram posting memes about someone who totally fucked with my head and my heart and if you don't remember the story you can always go back and read about it here. It's a great read and still plays on my mind months later when I find myself going over in my head why it happened and how I let it happen. But I did finally, after months and months, manage to move on and found myself falling into the arms of a guy who I had been friends with for a few years and had always had an attraction to. We had a good connection and for a few weeks I hoped it would turn into something more than sex but then of course all the same patterns started emerging and I realised I was crushing on someone who was not crushing on me and probably wasn't ever going to so I nipped it in the bud, even though the sex was great. I just wanted more than that and I knew I deserved it.
By this stage I was exhausted from the emotional roller coaster these guys were taking me on and I went into hibernation mode to try and get my shit together and find some happiness within myself. But of course it didn't take long for me to start crushing on someone else who I met through Instagram again (obviously I need to delete the bloody app) because for some damn reason I always get caught up in chatting with men there and I develop a false sense of closeness with someone that I don't know from a bar of soap. But this guy seemed different, he was funny and smart and creative and we had the best chats and we even caught up in person a few times to take photos together and I really liked him. He knew of my history with the guy who had hurt me earlier in the year and he just made me laugh and forget about all the shit. The problem was that he wasn't into me in that way and I knew it because he didn't flirt with me and our chats were all very mate orientated but I hoped he might change his mind one day and realise what a cool chick I was and how much fun we would have together as more than just mates. Until one day it just hit me, I was that creeper girl, the one who always answers people's stories that they like to try and keep the conversation going. To be in their face and to stay relevant even though there was no chance of anything ever happening. And I just didn't want to be that girl. I didn't want to spend the whole of 2019 liking guys who didn't like me back.
And this is the thing, so many people say to me, "wow you are so lucky, you are attractive and funny and you must be able to get any guy you want, wow I can't believe you are 50!"
But I can't get any guy I want because my experiences this year have proven that and at the end of the day, none of that stuff matters anymore. It doesn't matter if you are the most attractive person on the internet, if it's not meant to be, it just wont be and sometimes you just gotta admit that, cut your losses and move on.
I guess 2019 will always be my year of unrequited love and maybe 2020 won't be any better but at least now I know when to see the signs and hopefully I wont waste as much time crushing on guys who don't like me back. The quest for love will still continue and maybe one day it will happen but until then, I have my kids, the best friends a girl could ever ask for and of course my pussy cats, because we all know, they are the true loves of my life.....
Katie xx
