Dear 2020, please fuck off and go right back to where you came from which was probably Hell to be honest!
I really don't know where to start with this blog but I do know I needed to let out some frustrations and writing them down nearly makes you feel a bit better.
This past week has been very tough for my family as we had to place my 77 year old father into an aged care facility as he has advanced Parkinson's Disease and also Dementia and over the past 6 months he has deteriorated rapidly and my 76 year old mother just couldn't manage his full time care anymore. To make the decision to put him into full time care was not an easy one and eventually the decision was taken out of our hands and his Dr advised us that it was in everyone's best interests for him to go.
The problem is that my father is not 100% gone yet, he still knows who we all are and he can still hold a small conversation with us but he does get very confused and his mobility is quite bad. But, after him being in the home for only 4 days it has come to my realisation that he is probably the healthiest person there as the other residents are all completely gone in the brain and not mobile and to see my dad there with these other poor souls is absolutely heartbreaking. The emotional turmoil it gives you to see him there is keeping me awake at night and I'm on the verge of tears 24/7. I know it will eventually calm down and it is the safest place for him but this adjustment period is a nightmare.
So, 2020 is 100% shit for everything that it has brought onto the world; bush fires, floods, the death of Koby Bryant, Covid-19, Racist wars and unrest all over the world, and now my dad going into care, what more can the Universe throw at us?
Yes, Covid-19 has been one hell of a shit storm for the whole world, a pandemic we never imagined would happen to us and as I type this, it seems to be blowing up in a 2nd wave as many people predicted it would. But for me there were some good things to come out of it. At first I was in panic mode, how would I survive as my work closed down, thankfully Golf was still allowed to be played in QLD and then the JobKeeper payment came into play so I was one of the lucky ones, I got to work 2 days a week and keep money coming in and I relished in the 5 day weekends and the chance to have a break from full time work. I started getting some fitness back, I taught myself how to fly my drone better and I spent time with my kids. It was the first time I hadn't worked full time for many years and I knew it wouldn't last so I enjoyed it as much as I could. I've strengthened some beautiful friendships with people who mean a lot to me by having that extra time to spend with them, and most importantly I've been able to help my mum deal with dad and this has helped me be a better mum myself.
So we are nearly half way through the year and what more can 2020 do to us? What crazy drama will we see in our world in the last half of the year?
I'm thinking that whatever it throws at me I will deal with as best I can because I don't think anything can shock me now. I know that the journey ahead for my father is downhill and who knows how long that will play out but you can only do what you can and with some amazing friends around me I know I will get through it somehow.
Katie xx
Saturday 27 June 2020
Wednesday 29 April 2020
Covid-19 Update (and rant)
Hello fellow Covid-19 participants!
How is everyone doing? So we are now into the 1000th week of Iso and who else has lost all trace of time and meaning? It is definitely a situation that none of us would ever have imagined happening in our lifetimes and hopefully it will never happen again. I have said to my kids that this is their "War Story" and that they will be telling their children, Gosh back in 2020 we couldn't even go to school or see our friends for months so don't complain to me! My son who is 14 and works at Domino's said to me; "Why do I have to be an essential worker mum??" I said "be grateful son, a lot of people would kill to be in your shoes!"
Although this has been a stressful time there are a couple of things that I have enjoyed. (not many to be honest). I'm only working 2 days a week so having 5 days off has been nice although I haven't been doing much except exercising and watching a lot of Telly. (I will never be able to un-see Tiger King)
The cleaning obsession died after the first week so the house is back to looking like I'm working full time but that's the least of my cares.
I've spent a lot of time editing photos and learning new things on my drone and I've been able to spend a bit of time with my kids when they are not home schooling. (let's face it, the home schooling is pretty non existent in my house!)
I've downloaded Tiktok and been impressed with how creative some people are and even convinced my daughter to teach me a dance which she shared on her account which got over 1000 views so I was a bit chuffed about that. (not about the views, more about her actually wanting to do something with me and put it on her social media!)
The cats and I have bonded like never before and their daily routines have included more outside time which has kept them happy and I'm sure they will be very unhappy with me when I return to work full time (although probably not because they really don't care that much at all).
The financial situation has been a bit of shit show, yes I am getting Job-Keeper but the actual payment and the rules around it have completely fucked me up and it has caused me more stress than the actual Covid-19 pandemic itself. The "grey" area with the payment has left many people stressed and upset and it definitely has made me think very hard about my work situation and the loyalty I have for them. I'm sure many people who have lost their jobs would think I'm being a whinging cow right about now and I agree 100%, but if I can't be a whinging cow during this Pandemic what is the actual point? We all have our own set of problems and we need to be able to have empathy for everyone and their different situations.
The one thing that I has kept me sane during this time is my photography and the people who I know and have met through it. The fact that I have still been able to take photos by myself or with one person, flown my drone, gone for a swim in the ocean, chatted to mates online and made each other laugh has been the saviour. Imagine not having social media and the memes that have made us laugh and try to look at the positive side to all of this. I'm not sure we would have been managing as well as we all are.
Finally, I think as a nation we have done very well in keeping ourselves at home. We are outdoor people, we thrive off our environment and we love all things to do with being outdoors and being active but we have generally obeyed the rules and stayed home and we should be super proud of ourselves and give ourselves a pat on the back. Of course there are some idiots who were never going to obey the rules (yes I'm looking at those stupid NRL players) and do their part but thankfully we listened and we are seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. So I'm proud of you all and I cannot wait for the day when we can all come out of hibernation and hug the shit out of each other again!!
Stay safe people and wash your hands!
Katie xx
How is everyone doing? So we are now into the 1000th week of Iso and who else has lost all trace of time and meaning? It is definitely a situation that none of us would ever have imagined happening in our lifetimes and hopefully it will never happen again. I have said to my kids that this is their "War Story" and that they will be telling their children, Gosh back in 2020 we couldn't even go to school or see our friends for months so don't complain to me! My son who is 14 and works at Domino's said to me; "Why do I have to be an essential worker mum??" I said "be grateful son, a lot of people would kill to be in your shoes!"
Although this has been a stressful time there are a couple of things that I have enjoyed. (not many to be honest). I'm only working 2 days a week so having 5 days off has been nice although I haven't been doing much except exercising and watching a lot of Telly. (I will never be able to un-see Tiger King)
The cleaning obsession died after the first week so the house is back to looking like I'm working full time but that's the least of my cares.
I've spent a lot of time editing photos and learning new things on my drone and I've been able to spend a bit of time with my kids when they are not home schooling. (let's face it, the home schooling is pretty non existent in my house!)
I've downloaded Tiktok and been impressed with how creative some people are and even convinced my daughter to teach me a dance which she shared on her account which got over 1000 views so I was a bit chuffed about that. (not about the views, more about her actually wanting to do something with me and put it on her social media!)
The cats and I have bonded like never before and their daily routines have included more outside time which has kept them happy and I'm sure they will be very unhappy with me when I return to work full time (although probably not because they really don't care that much at all).
The financial situation has been a bit of shit show, yes I am getting Job-Keeper but the actual payment and the rules around it have completely fucked me up and it has caused me more stress than the actual Covid-19 pandemic itself. The "grey" area with the payment has left many people stressed and upset and it definitely has made me think very hard about my work situation and the loyalty I have for them. I'm sure many people who have lost their jobs would think I'm being a whinging cow right about now and I agree 100%, but if I can't be a whinging cow during this Pandemic what is the actual point? We all have our own set of problems and we need to be able to have empathy for everyone and their different situations.
The one thing that I has kept me sane during this time is my photography and the people who I know and have met through it. The fact that I have still been able to take photos by myself or with one person, flown my drone, gone for a swim in the ocean, chatted to mates online and made each other laugh has been the saviour. Imagine not having social media and the memes that have made us laugh and try to look at the positive side to all of this. I'm not sure we would have been managing as well as we all are.
Finally, I think as a nation we have done very well in keeping ourselves at home. We are outdoor people, we thrive off our environment and we love all things to do with being outdoors and being active but we have generally obeyed the rules and stayed home and we should be super proud of ourselves and give ourselves a pat on the back. Of course there are some idiots who were never going to obey the rules (yes I'm looking at those stupid NRL players) and do their part but thankfully we listened and we are seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. So I'm proud of you all and I cannot wait for the day when we can all come out of hibernation and hug the shit out of each other again!!
Stay safe people and wash your hands!
Katie xx
Saturday 28 March 2020
Dating in the Covid-19 era....
Hi folks, welcome to the Covid-19 edition of my blog.
I thought I better sit down and tap out my thoughts considering I have so much time on my hands and I wanted to write something now so I could read it in 12 months time and remember how fucked up this time was for all of us in the world.
Firstly, I am one of the lucky ones so far, who has managed to keep a tiny grip on a job and yes I am not getting my normal shifts but I am still employed and am super grateful for that. Today the death toll in Australia is 14 and bound to get many more so I'm wondering when we will actually go into full lock-down to stop this bullshit getting any worse. The sooner the better I believe.
Secondly, because I am forever looking for love I decided that maybe in these tough times that there would be many people wanting to meet someone special so I jumped on Bumble and Tinder last week to see what was out there.
Thirdly, I should have just punched myself in the face before I downloaded the apps because the Corona Virus has changed NOTHING when it comes to people being dicks when it comes to dating apps.
Surprisingly I did swipe on about 4 guys on Tinder and matched with them all and all of them messaged me within a few moments of matching, (which is pretty unusual as you normally don't even get one message from a match let alone 4!)
I had some funny chats with a couple of them and had a laugh which is always good and after a few days of chatting on the app I exchanged phone numbers with 2 guys so we could chat via text.
One guy was from Brisbane and he was funny and witty and close to my age and the other guy was from the Goldy and seemed like a cool guy, into photography and the beach and we seemed to have a few things in common which is always a bonus, he was a few years younger than me but that has never bothered me before so I agreed to meet him for a walk ensuring we kept our 1.5 metres apart when we met.
On the day we were meeting I woke up with a bit of a cough so I text him to let him know and said maybe we should postpone because I didn't want to risk anything. He agreed and made a comment that he hoped I hadn't coughed all over my mum (who I had seen that morning) and for some reason it annoyed me because I assumed he was serious and it made me flinch when I read the text. I sent back a bit of a curt text asking if he thought I was stupid and of course he then sent back a few texts telling me that he didn't mean to offend me. But for some reason this must have put a sour taste to the connection because after another few random texts he ghosted me.
I then realised that the guy from Brisbane had also ghosted me after not hearing back from a text I had sent him the night before and so I promptly deleted Tinder and Bumble and the 2 guys mobile numbers because I was angry with myself for thinking that anything would have changed with those apps just because of the Corona Virus!
What I wish would have happened is that both guys had either picked up the phone and actually called me to make sure that the texts were not taken the wrong way, or had just text me and said "Hey it was nice to meet you but I'm not feeling this anymore, take care". But of course that seems too hard for guys to do these days, why? What is so hard about texting someone you have never met to tell them you aren't feeling it? I just don't understand it. And maybe these guys weren't right for me romantically, but we could have just been friends and we could have had a laugh together during these crazy times but for some reason guys don't seem to be able to pick up the phone and actually talk to someone to get to know them and as soon as they get a whiff of something that doesn't meet their expectations they ghost you!
So, it looks like I will be self isolating by myself with the cats for the next few months and hopefully the kids will wanna come and hang with me at some stage but if any of my friends hear me say I'm downloading dating apps again please send me a virtual punch in the face and remind me of this little experience so I can start cleaning the bathroom instead which is far less painful!
I hope everyone is coping in this scary world right now and if you want to talk just message me!
Katie xx
I thought I better sit down and tap out my thoughts considering I have so much time on my hands and I wanted to write something now so I could read it in 12 months time and remember how fucked up this time was for all of us in the world.
Firstly, I am one of the lucky ones so far, who has managed to keep a tiny grip on a job and yes I am not getting my normal shifts but I am still employed and am super grateful for that. Today the death toll in Australia is 14 and bound to get many more so I'm wondering when we will actually go into full lock-down to stop this bullshit getting any worse. The sooner the better I believe.
Secondly, because I am forever looking for love I decided that maybe in these tough times that there would be many people wanting to meet someone special so I jumped on Bumble and Tinder last week to see what was out there.
Thirdly, I should have just punched myself in the face before I downloaded the apps because the Corona Virus has changed NOTHING when it comes to people being dicks when it comes to dating apps.
Surprisingly I did swipe on about 4 guys on Tinder and matched with them all and all of them messaged me within a few moments of matching, (which is pretty unusual as you normally don't even get one message from a match let alone 4!)
I had some funny chats with a couple of them and had a laugh which is always good and after a few days of chatting on the app I exchanged phone numbers with 2 guys so we could chat via text.
One guy was from Brisbane and he was funny and witty and close to my age and the other guy was from the Goldy and seemed like a cool guy, into photography and the beach and we seemed to have a few things in common which is always a bonus, he was a few years younger than me but that has never bothered me before so I agreed to meet him for a walk ensuring we kept our 1.5 metres apart when we met.
On the day we were meeting I woke up with a bit of a cough so I text him to let him know and said maybe we should postpone because I didn't want to risk anything. He agreed and made a comment that he hoped I hadn't coughed all over my mum (who I had seen that morning) and for some reason it annoyed me because I assumed he was serious and it made me flinch when I read the text. I sent back a bit of a curt text asking if he thought I was stupid and of course he then sent back a few texts telling me that he didn't mean to offend me. But for some reason this must have put a sour taste to the connection because after another few random texts he ghosted me.
I then realised that the guy from Brisbane had also ghosted me after not hearing back from a text I had sent him the night before and so I promptly deleted Tinder and Bumble and the 2 guys mobile numbers because I was angry with myself for thinking that anything would have changed with those apps just because of the Corona Virus!
What I wish would have happened is that both guys had either picked up the phone and actually called me to make sure that the texts were not taken the wrong way, or had just text me and said "Hey it was nice to meet you but I'm not feeling this anymore, take care". But of course that seems too hard for guys to do these days, why? What is so hard about texting someone you have never met to tell them you aren't feeling it? I just don't understand it. And maybe these guys weren't right for me romantically, but we could have just been friends and we could have had a laugh together during these crazy times but for some reason guys don't seem to be able to pick up the phone and actually talk to someone to get to know them and as soon as they get a whiff of something that doesn't meet their expectations they ghost you!
So, it looks like I will be self isolating by myself with the cats for the next few months and hopefully the kids will wanna come and hang with me at some stage but if any of my friends hear me say I'm downloading dating apps again please send me a virtual punch in the face and remind me of this little experience so I can start cleaning the bathroom instead which is far less painful!
I hope everyone is coping in this scary world right now and if you want to talk just message me!
Katie xx
Wednesday 12 February 2020
Please don't tell me I'm nuts
Well hello people! Welcome to 2020 and the beginning of a new decade. I had so much hope for this new year and it did start off well but unfortunately after 6 weeks it has taken a nose dive and I'm desperately trying to get myself out of the hole that someone else dug for me.
Yes I did it again, I fell for a guy who wasn't who I thought he was and now I'm wondering if it really is me with the problem or am I just doomed when it comes to meeting decent men?
This guy seemed different, he really did, the first few weeks were the most intense I've ever experienced with a man and I fell hard but something changed and the last few weeks were hellish and I can't help but wonder; Am I the problem? Am I just hopeless at relationships after 4 years of being single? Maybe, but also I wanted to make it work and I wanted to fall in love and perhaps that is my problem, I try too hard to fix things that aren't working just because I want to be successful and to say; "Look World, I can have a proper relationship!"
I also do know that if it's meant to be it will be and I have to keep telling myself that to make myself feel better after another shit experience. And I do know that some people just don't work together so if it's not working then you have to move on but you still get sad when it fails because when you start on a new adventure that starts off so well you always want it to work and admitting failure after such a short time is heartbreaking.
The one thing I do know is that I'm not nuts, in fact I'm probably the most non nutty person you would meet so when someone accuses me of being nuts that is my cue to walk away. I wont beg for attention from anyone (except my cats) and when you're made to feel that you are the one with the problem and you know in your heart that it's not you then its over.
So people, please trust your gut no matter how much you like someone, if your gut tells you there is something not right then it's not right. And yes, sometimes you have to get to the point where you are ready to walk away on your own terms, even when your friends are urging you to leave and this point is always different for everyone but also remember no person is worth a feeling of anxiety or insecurity. Relationships are meant to feel good even when you do have a disagreement, you are supposed to grow and learn from each other and if you love each other you will learn to compromise.
So another lesson learnt for me, another little scar to heal in my heart but I am always going to be open to falling in love again because we all deserve to be loved unconditionally!
In the meantime, the cats and I will be celebrating Valentines day together tomorrow because they never call me nuts...
Yes I did it again, I fell for a guy who wasn't who I thought he was and now I'm wondering if it really is me with the problem or am I just doomed when it comes to meeting decent men?
This guy seemed different, he really did, the first few weeks were the most intense I've ever experienced with a man and I fell hard but something changed and the last few weeks were hellish and I can't help but wonder; Am I the problem? Am I just hopeless at relationships after 4 years of being single? Maybe, but also I wanted to make it work and I wanted to fall in love and perhaps that is my problem, I try too hard to fix things that aren't working just because I want to be successful and to say; "Look World, I can have a proper relationship!"
I also do know that if it's meant to be it will be and I have to keep telling myself that to make myself feel better after another shit experience. And I do know that some people just don't work together so if it's not working then you have to move on but you still get sad when it fails because when you start on a new adventure that starts off so well you always want it to work and admitting failure after such a short time is heartbreaking.
The one thing I do know is that I'm not nuts, in fact I'm probably the most non nutty person you would meet so when someone accuses me of being nuts that is my cue to walk away. I wont beg for attention from anyone (except my cats) and when you're made to feel that you are the one with the problem and you know in your heart that it's not you then its over.
So people, please trust your gut no matter how much you like someone, if your gut tells you there is something not right then it's not right. And yes, sometimes you have to get to the point where you are ready to walk away on your own terms, even when your friends are urging you to leave and this point is always different for everyone but also remember no person is worth a feeling of anxiety or insecurity. Relationships are meant to feel good even when you do have a disagreement, you are supposed to grow and learn from each other and if you love each other you will learn to compromise.
So another lesson learnt for me, another little scar to heal in my heart but I am always going to be open to falling in love again because we all deserve to be loved unconditionally!
In the meantime, the cats and I will be celebrating Valentines day together tomorrow because they never call me nuts...
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