Getting old sux bad

Ok so we all know getting old sux, I really don't think there could be a better way to describe it especially after you turn 30, its definitely all down hill from there.  We all know that sagging skin sux, boobs hanging south and not all perky sux, wrinkles suck, forgetting stuff sux, being unwanted in the workplace sux, I could go on and on but I wont. You get the picture.

This week getting old really sucked, not for me but for my dad.  My 70 year old father learnt he has Parkinson's disease and that sux.

We have had the suspicion for awhile, a few little things which my mum had noticed, a bit of shaking, walking like a robot, restless leg syndrome, all pointers to Parkinson's.  But when you actually hear it from the Dr that yes it is, you kinda get the wind knocked out of you because it makes you realise that Hey my dad isn't going to be around forever and this might get a bit ugly.  When we first found out it might be PD, we all tried to make light of it and said, Well at least its not Alzheimer's and you won't forget us soon, at least you aren't battling cancer like so many other people (and then he reminded us he does have Prostate Cancer and has been battling that for 5 years) so we shut up pretty quickly with those jokes.  At the end of the day, it's a disease which effects millions of people and can either go quickly or slowly and thankfully dad's prognosis is good for now and its only early stages so we are definitely thankful for that.

When I think of my dad I think of a tall man with thick black hair, a biggish nose, lots of charisma and the life of the party but in reality he is so different now.  He still has a good head of hair but it's mostly grey, still got the biggish nose but the charisma and the life of the party seems to have all but disappeared.  Looking back I think I know when he lost those 2 things and it was about 3 years ago.

My dad's career was always based in the sporting industry, he worked for companies like Puma, Adidas, Yonex, Spalding and he was always very social, played a LOT of golf, was always going to social events, hosting dinner parties and sporting boxes and was always surrounded by sporting people. When I was growing up in Victoria we hosted a cricket day at my place with some of the West Indies cricket team playing back yard cricket with my brother and our friends, I still have the memories of those tall giants and mum also reminded me that she cooked a big Chinese banquet including pork which she was horrified to find out later that they don't eat because of their religion!  This was the life I grew up with and it was a pretty enjoyable one.

Later in my life my dad was running his own golf company on the Gold Coast and I was living in Sydney.  He rang me one night and asked me to help him do a resume.  I was pretty bewildered as dad had always just been offered jobs so had never had to apply for a one and he had his own company so why would he need a resume?  As it turns out things were a bit tough and there was a job he wanted to apply for and he needed my help!  I was chuffed he actually had asked me.  The position was for a CEO of a private golf club opening on the Coast and the perks and salary were amazing.  He was made for this job and I knew it would be a perfect opportunity for him.  He was 59 and still giving it his all, I was so proud but also nervous for him.  Thankfully he got the job and both his and my mum's lives changed for the better.

They both were able to have memberships at the club and met a lot of new people and it gave them a new lease on life.  Mum took up golf for the first time in her life and she loved it, she wasn't a golf widow anymore!  They went on lots of amazing holidays with their new friends, were very social and seemed to be very happy for a few years.  I moved back to the Coast and watched them enjoying these perks but also noticed my dad seemed very stressed and very cranky a lot.  He worked long hours and he seemed to go grey overnight.  Even though dad was enjoying his life he was also dealing with a lot of problems regarding the club, the rich members and their little issues on a daily basis.  Mum was getting sick of him bringing his crankiness home and they seemed to be fighting a lot.

One day at work I received a call from mum telling me dad had gone to work, only to be told that the Board had told him his contract wasn't to be renewed, pack your things, leave your keys to the Mercedes and don't come back.  They were in shock.  Apparently a lot of the members didn't like the way my dad had run the club, being a stickler to the rules, following the procedures and not bending the rules which is what a lot of wealthy members expected him to do.  He was a shattered man, a lot of so called friends had gone behind his back and voted against him and this was when my father changed.  The lack of loyalty, the betrayal and the loss of income, friends and lifestyle rocked him so badly that he has never been the same.

This may have been when the Parkinson's disease reared its ugly head. The stress and pressure was enough to give anyone a heart attack.

Over the past 3 years my parents have gotten back on their feet, they have made the best of a shitty situation and they have powered on.  They have held on to friendships that meant something to them and they have actually enjoyed their semi retirement without having the money to be extravagant.  They have helped me immensely with my kids and have always been there to lend a helping hand or even money if we have needed it.  I still don't think my dad has ever gotten his charisma back though, there still seems to be a bit of sadness in his eyes, a bit of regret that his life didn't turn out the way he expected it to.  It is something that makes me very sad and now discovering he has PD it makes me understand why he hasn't got his charisma back.  He has been battling a silent disease without even knowing it and he has done pretty well considering the circumstances.

Who knows what the future holds for my dad and although it's scary its also a bit of a relief to know what we are facing now and to know that we have support and knowledge to help us get through it.

Getting old does suck but it's something we all have to face whether we are wealthy or poor, skinny or fat.
I'm just glad I get to enjoy it with dad for as long as I can.

Love Katie
Love ya guts

All dressed up with no where to go

So its been awhile, yes I have been slack and slightly busy lately so I hope you can forgive me?  My last post was on the 29th of November! HOLY CRAP!  I am soo lazy! Unfortunately my real life has gotten in the way and over the past few months a lot has happened. We sold our house and bought a new one, shacked up with my folks for 2 weeks, moved into the new joint, got the kids settled at school, went to Sydney for work, threw a big housewarming party and now finally this weekend I have some time to myself for the first time in months.  It is a bizarre feeling and one I must take advantage of because it doesn't happen very often these days.

The problem is, and I can't believe I'm admitting this but I kinda miss the craziness of the kids.  When you are not used to having so much time child free you tend to forget how to keep yourself busy, (other than the normal boring house work routine,) this is quite ridiculous as I know there would be a million, trillion things to be doing but I have spent the morning thinking, What can I do with myself?

My first idea was go to Ikea, I always love to visit the humongous Swedish shopping experience when I've moved into a new house to buy all the bits and bobs you need (and don't need) but then I thought, can I really be bothered driving for an hour there and back to battle the weekend crowds and most definitely run into other peoples children?  Um yea, no.  Next.

My 2nd idea was to get into the garden and rip out all the weeds that the previous owners let take over and turn into a secret garden of sorts but not in a exciting mysterious way, more like a scary, spiky, dirty way and then the rain just keeps falling so that idea has been squashed as I don't fancy breaking any nails today. Next.

My 3rd idea was to drive to Freedom and have a browse around at all the gorgeous furniture I want to buy for my new home and get some design ideas but then I realised I can't actually afford to buy anything at the moment and it would only depress me and I would end up buying something stupid to appease my depression and my hubby would hate whatever it is that I bought and it would end up being put to the back of the cupboard and taken to the Salvos next time we moved (hopefully not for at least 10 years!) Next.

My 4th idea was to watch a lot of trash TV and sit on the couch eating Red Velvet cupcakes that I baked and have no one to help me eat them but then I thought, how is that different to anything I normally do when the kids are here? Next.

My 5th idea was to ask twitter if they have any ideas of what I should be doing and somebody mentioned I should blog! Well blow me down with a feather (or whatever that saying is) and here I am watching trash TV, sitting on the lounge, eating Red Velvet cupcakes, looking at my weedy garden and blogging at the same time!  I'm a fabulous multi tasker.

Now my only problem is I need a good idea to blog about and because its been so long I think I may have bloggers block. I obviously need to get out more and utilise this childfree time to gather some more blogging ideas so I can come back and write something fabulous and funny.

So another twitter friend suggested I take some of my Red Velvet cupcakes down to her shop so I don't eat them all by myself and whilst I'm there I can have a browse at the gorgeous shops in Burleigh and maybe buy something that my hubby doesn't hate and enjoy the childfree time while I have it because who  knows how long it will be until this opportunity comes around again!!

Be back soon
Love ya guts
Katie

What makes a perfect home?

For those of you who follow me on twitter you will know that we have recently sold our house after 7 weeks on the market and to be honest it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.  Of course the continuous cleaning totally did my head in as I felt I couldn't leave the house messy at any time and having 2 hairy indoor dogs did not help that situation at all. Not to mention 2 young children who wouldn't know how to pick up an item of their own if they tripped over it 10 times so generally I was the full cleaning nazi for 7 weeks.  But as far as the selling process goes it was pretty stress free.  Our agent was a lovely gent who was very relaxed and easy going and this helped with the general part of selling a home, the open homes, private inspections and at the end the negotiations with the buyers. (he was also very easy on the eye so this was a bonus for me!)

So now we have to find a new home and to me this is going to be the challenging part.  The home we have just sold is only 2 and a half years old, it is our design and all of our heart and soul went into it so it is truly a lovely home and I know I will never have something like this again.  But that is also ok because I love a challenge and to buy an older home and renovate it and put my own touches into it will also be fun.  Its just will we find the home for us that will be perfect in the time frame we have?  I have my doubts.

The reason for my doubts is because what is the definition of a perfect home?  Everyone has their own little things that they love in a home and my ideas may not be the same as my hubbys or my kids.  In fact we built this house with a kids area downstairs and with their bedrooms apart from ours because we believed they would love having their own space but since we have lived here they have hardly slept in their own beds and never go downstairs to watch TV because they don't want to be that far away from us! (god help us) and to think why we have 3 yes 3 Foxtel boxes is just beyond me! (That is not happening in the next house, well maybe but maybe not) So  for our next house we have decided that we will find something smaller with the bedrooms all together so the kids don't feel so far away and so we don't have a child sleeping on our mattress on the floor for the next few years, although in saying that I'm sure when the kids are older they wont want to be so close to our rooms so we really can't win in that situation!

So now we are searching for a 4 bedroom house, 2 bathrooms, double garage, 2 living areas and a big enough yard for the dogs and the kids which shouldn't really be too hard and I'm sure there are plenty of those types of houses out there it's just finding it in the area we want and getting the timing right.  In the meantime our house we have sold seems to be objecting to us moving out, on the day after we signed the contract the smoke alarm decided to lose its mojo and go off every time we closed the garage door, the kitchen light has gone on strike and refuses to work even with a new globe and last night the bathroom window decided it had had enough and shattered mysteriously at 2.30am!  We have spent more money on the house in the past week fixing things than we have in the past 2 and a half years!  Me thinks there is something weird going on there!

Anyway we are now trawling the real estate websites, going to open homes and getting lots of ideas of what we don't want and what we do like and then of course the whole packing thing will need to be addressed so there are lots of fun times ahead all at the busiest time of year! Yay! (insert sarcasm font there)

I will keep you posted on how we go with the perfect house hunt, keep your fingers crossed for us.

Katie
Love ya guts

I'm a crazy person who likes moving! SAY WHAT?

So we have our house on the market.  Yep after 2 years of living in a new house which we built ourselves (well a builder built it, we designed it) we have decided to move, again.  There are a few reasons we want to sell, these include, less travelling for my hubby who drives a lot during the week, closer to my parents, getting into a high school catchment and closer to the beach but the main reason we are moving is that I have a problem, a 'getting bored with where I live' problem.  In my 40 odd years I have moved 25 times and this does not include my 2 years of backpacking throughout Europe where I moved around a lot!

I'm blaming my mum for this problem.  She also the same problem and loves moving.  My childhood was spent moving with my family because my mum got bored and needed a new project. My dad would just go along with the flow and when mum had found our new house he would protest for all of about 1 day and then start packing.  This crazy moving problem has been passed onto me without me even realising.

Selling a house, buying a new place and then packing and moving is probably one of the most stressful exercises you can imagine so why would you want to do it 25 times and then more? Because change is exciting, change is fun and change, as we all know can be as good as a holiday.  Well I very much doubt this part but its still exciting and fun.  From the moment we made the decision we would sell I have had an excited feeling in my stomach, I have also had a sick feeling, an exhausted feeling from all the cleaning, and a scared feeling.  Scared because what if we can't sell this place for what we need? What if we do sell then we can't find something else that meets our requirements?  But then there are the exciting parts, like looking at other peoples houses, finding something perfect that ticks all your boxes, imagining all the changes you can do to make it what you want it to be and then being happy because you have managed to successfully  maneuver the family to a new home that you imagine staying in for the next 10 years.  Of course we wont stay there for 10 years because I will get that stupid itchy feet problem and want to move in about 3 years!

My poor husband had only moved twice when he met me at 25.  Grew up in the same house then moved out at 20 and that was it.  He met me and has now moved 8 times in 11 years.  He knows I have a problem and is actually getting used to it but he keeps saying our next house we will stay in for 10 years.  I just nod and agree but we both know this is not going to happen.

So for now I'm a cleaning freak, yelling at the kids to clean their rooms, pick up their shit and HELP MUMMY cos I can't do this by myself.  My moving addiction needs to be fed so we have to sell this buggar first.

Fingers crossed people! xxx

Love ya guts

Dealing with a broken heart

Tomorrow my gorgeous Gusband (gay husband) is burying his mother.  I wish I could be there with him but unfortunately my real life of being a working mother has prevented it.  He is probably glad I'm not going as I'm absolutely dreadful at funerals.  I don't even have to be close to the deceased to bawl my eyes out.  As soon as the priest welcomes us into the church I start crying, can't control it.  Its kind of embarrassing really.

I am very lucky then, that in my 42 years I have probably only been to 10 funerals. When I think about how my gusband is feeling at the moment, it breaks my heart.  It hurts so badly I can't even imagine how awful he must be feeling.  If it was me in his shoes I would be an absolute plotsky mess. My mum is my best friend so to lose at her such a young age would be incomprehensible.  Attending the funeral of a loved one is probably one of the hardest things in life we have to face.

I have lost both sets of my grandparents but as I wasn't very close to them my sadness was more for my parents than for actually losing my grandparents.  Each of their funerals were difficult but not as much as the funeral I attended of one of my best friends from my early twenties. She had been murdered in America and the situation was extremely delicate as the circumstances of the event had not been solved yet so we were all distraught and confused.  Her family asked me to say the Eulogy which was beyond daunting but I felt I had to do it to honour my friend, turned out to be the hardest thing I have ever done in my life.

I remember the day clearly, I had flown in from Sydney and mum picked me up at the airport and of course wanted me to read to her what I had prepared.  I could hardly read it to mum in the car let alone read it in front of hundreds of people without breaking down.  I was sweating like a pig and felt like vomiting, it was a feeling I had never experienced before.
Once we got to the church all I can remember is saying to myself; 'breath woman, breath'.  When it was my turn to talk I somehow found the inner strength to get to the podium and managed to get through the eulogy with grace and I even managed to get some laughs from the crowd!  As soon as I spoke the last words my body crumbled and I had to be assisted back to my chair but the feeling of relief and elation that I managed to do it was awesome.  I had honoured my beautiful friend and it was an amazing feeling to do that for her.

To think about attending one of my parents funerals and reading a eulogy is possibly the worst thought I could imagine.  How do people do it? 

I hope my gusband is ok tomorrow, I told him it's going to be the worst day of his life but I know he can get through it and if he feels like falling down, to imagine me there with him, holding him up and giving him inner strength.  I love his guts
xx

My theory on the blogging craze

So I'm sure you are all aware of this blogging craze that has taken over our world? Every man and his dog writes a blog (well maybe the dog doesn't) but it seems everywhere you look people are writing blogs, even  me!  There are millions of blogs to follow and just not enough time in our lives to read them all.  I love blogging, I love seeing all the 'Mummy Bloggers' being successful and making an actual living from them.  Its truly inspiring.  I would love to do that myself one day but at this point in my life I don't feel I have enough to say or even the time to write it so I'm happy tapping out a blog that I try to do every few weeks.

I was thinking about all the 'Mummy Bloggers' I know and it made me think about how lucky we are to live in a world that is so connected by social media.  We are able to create friendships through Twitter and Facebook, through joining blogs and communicating with people we never would have had the chance to do without these forums.  We can find real friends and support groups and we have access to endless amounts of advice and knowledge not available to previous generations.

Thinking of this made me think of my 68 year old mum and what her life was like when she was in her 30s and 40s.  I'm truly amazed that she managed to get through it so well without the support of a lot of friends or family.  She had no internet, no mobile phone, not many good friends and my dad was hardly around as he traveled a lot and played golf a hell of a lot too.  My mum worked part time and took me to dancing 4 times a week and my brother to football 3 times a week.  She had dinner on the table every night, ironed like a mad woman, looked after a dog, 2 cats and at one stage a horse and I can never remember her complaining once!  The problem was, my mum was lonely, so lonely in fact that she ended up having an affair with the man who owned the petrol station near our house.  This affair rocked our family to the core once it was found out and I remember my father sobbing in front of me (who was probably 9 at the time) and me having no clue what it all meant.  Looking back now I know that my mother was not the only one to blame, as I said my father was not around much, lived the life style most men in the 70's lived, worked, played golf, stayed at the club till late.  I can't blame my mum for looking for attention elsewhere.

What I'm wondering is, if my mum had social media around back then, would she have had an affair or would she have found attention in a different way like so many of us seem to do these days?  Having the guidance of 300 or so Twitter followers may have stopped her from taking the plunge. Reading other women's experiences in their blogs may have given her the courage to talk to my dad before she strayed. Talking to close friends on Facebook may have given her the support she needed to make some changes in her life that were definitely needed.  I guess we will never know but I do feel that having these forums does help millions of people think twice before making life changing decisions.

Back in the 60s and 70s women's lives were so different especially once they married and had children.  Stay at home mums stayed mostly at home.  Of course some were lucky enough to have friends and were able to go out and do lunch occasionally but in general a lot of women were lonely and bored.

Now we have endless opportunities to be entertained at home, we can blog, we can cruise the web, we can chat online, we can Skype, we can study, we can build our own little empires, the list is endless.  Who would honestly have time to have an affair?  I'm so inspired by women who do any or all of these things and still run a household, bring up children, work in a normal job and still manage to be healthy and happy.

Of course there is the other side of the coin where women who are unhappy at home get caught up in social media forums, get sidetracked by the cyber world, take chances they may not have taken before, neglect the important people in their real lives because they want to escape it.  Sometimes facing our own unhappiness is the hardest thing to do and hiding in our internet world helps us get through the daily grind.

Whatever it is that tickles your fancy as far as social media is concerned, I think it pretty much goes without saying that the women of today are a hell of a lot better off than our mothers and grandmothers because of the affect that it has on our lives and because of all the millions of 'Mummy Bloggers' who take the time to share their knowledge and experiences.

Anyway, the story ends well for my beloved mum, after 2 years of heartache and confusion my parents packed up our lives and moved to Queensland for a fresh start and I'm happy to report they are still together.  Now that is truly amazing!

If you write a blog that you think I should read, let me know, I would love to!

Love ya guts
Katie

The Mummy rules

I have recently had the pleasure of having my high school best friend and her 2 year old little boy stay with us for a few weeks.  It was great to have them here whilst they got their shit together after living overseas for 2 years in Vegas.


Having a 2 year old in the house was very interesting as we have gotten over the stage of having to put things up high, put the breakable stuff away and watch the kids on the stairs and there were a few moments of panic during the time they were here but all in all it was a fun experience for my kids as well as them.  


My friend has mostly been living the life of a single mum since she had her son as her husband is an entertainer and there were many times that he was away working on cruise ships for weeks on end and also when he eventually did get a show in Vegas he was working long and late hours so she struggled through as best she could with not much support from friends and no family.  When she got to our place the lifestyle and routine was completely different to what they were used to but they settled in well and the timezone change seemed to work out well for naps and going to bed at 8 or 9 instead of midnight which is what they did most nights in Vegas.


The difficulty of staying with close friends is knowing when to bite your tongue when they do something differently to how you do it and knowing when it's ok to comment on how they do things.  There were many times I wanted to say something to her about what she was feeding him, or how much juice she was giving him or why he wasn't hungry or how she shouldn't be letting him stay up so late but I just kept biting my tongue and hoping that the little problems I could see happening would sort themselves out once she got settled in her own place.


It got me thinking about when you have your first child, about all the advice you are given, all the comments you endure from people who have done it before, all the remarks from people who think they are doing it right and you are doing it wrong.  It really can be so intimidating and frustrating, you wonder how you ever go out in public again!


It would be so much easier if we stuck to some rules, some Mummy Rules as I call them and I have listed some below: (excuse the language in advance)

The Newborn stage

1. Do not brag about how your little cherub sleeps through the night at 6 weeks old.  For those of us whose little cherubs don't sleep through, this is the worst brag as we are tired and irritated and our lack of sleep is making us want to hurt you badly right now. 
2. Do not tell us how easy your birth was, how you didn't even have an epidural, how it was all over in 3 hours.  All we are thinking right now is that you must have one very loose vagina for that baby to have come out so darn easy.  That is the only way it happened so bloody fast!
3. Do not even bother telling us your baby doesn't have problems with Re flux, Croup, wind or any other stupid baby problem that makes our baby scream for 4 hours on end every night before bed and makes us have to spend hundreds of dollars at the chiropractor because our backs are so fucked up from rocking that little cherub to sleep every few hours!
4. DO tell us that you are super tired, super stressed and struggling with the whole experience but absolutely loving every moment of being a new mum and we will totally agree with you on all of that shit!

The Toddler stage

1. Do not brag about how your toddler is so smart, can say so many words, sing the alphabet and even do simple maths sums already, we do not give a fuck if he is a genius right now because we are still tired from the baby stage.
2. Do not tell us how your toddler sleeps through the night, doesn't have a dummy, bottle or comforter anymore and never has a tantrum at the shops.  That cannot be honestly true? Really?
3. Do not tell us that your toddler has an amazing diet and never eats crap only healthy organic stuff you make yourself and never says no to anything you offer..we are just not believing it.
4. Do not even begin to think we will believe you when you tell us your toddler is toilet training themselves before they have even reached 2!  That shit does not happen in the real world and if does we do not want to know!  Nappies are costing us a fortune right now.
5. Do not tell us that you are loving every single moment of being a mum to a toddler who has a mind of their own and that you wont put them in day care because you can't stand to be apart from them for one minute because if you are a human that cannot possibly be true?
6. DO tell us that you are exhausted, grumpy and stressed but you are loving the challenges and are especially loving the days you have them in child care because you get to get your hair done and actually have some 'me time' which you desperately need right now.  We will believe you and love you for your honesty.

The Pre-school age

1. Do not brag about how your little cherub is so clever and amazing that they are learning school work already in day care and can write their whole name and do maths sums that are not even taught in Prep already!
2. Do not tell us that your child doesn't get separation anxiety when you leave them at day care to go to work and does not cling to your leg like a desperate animal begging their mummy not to leave them in this hell hole called kindy.
3. Do not tell us that your child has never bitten, hit, scratched, pushed, punched or even kicked another child at day care cos we honestly just cannot believe that a child like that actually exists in the real world!
4. Do not tell us that your pre-school child goes to bed so easily without an argument, can read their own books and sleeps through the night without coming up into your bed every night cos we may have to kill you right now, we are still tired from the newborn stage.
5. DO tell us that your pre-school child has been in trouble at day care for pushing little Johnny and wet their pants and wont sleep in their own bed and we will sympathies with you and bring you alcohol to help you through the rough days!

The Primary school days

1. Do not tell us that your child is in the top of the prep class, already reading level 13 and has been asked to help the other prep kids with their reading because we are still struggling with writing our first name in letters we can actually decipher!
2. Do not tell us that your darling cherub is so popular that they are getting invited to every single prep kids party and that other kids are actually fighting over who can hang out with your little cherub cos that little cherub may turn out to be a little smartarse who bullies other kids who are not so popular as they get older.
3. Do not tell us that your cherub never answers you back, never wants anything when you go the shops, never eats Macca's and never has meltdowns whilst waiting for something in a line because now we know you are making that shit up and perhaps you are self medicating every night to ensure that you can make it through this wonderful life with your perfect child!
4. DO tell us that you lose your shit regularly, struggle with your kids on a daily basis, need alcohol to help you through, love spending time away from them but are still enjoying being a mum and looking forward to the challenges ahead.

Now I'm sure there are many more rules that we can all add to these but for now these are the ones that spring to mind that real people have actually told me over the past few years.  I'm sure that as our kids get older and grow into teenagers there will be so many more rules that we should abide by but I just don't even want to go there until I really have to!

If you follow the above rules, we will then know you are living in the real world with us and we will be happy to hang with you and to lend a hand or any advice that you ask from us and we will enjoy this crazy ride together!

Love ya guts

Katielou